Breakfasts Are Important!!~ ^_^

2010-08-28T20:39:00.002+08:00

突然之间，我觉得好累。真的好累。

感情的事，一直以来都是似懂非懂。

我以为我变得更成熟了。我错了。

感情的事，我还是一只呆头鹅。

This entry officially marks the end of my summer vacations. And I guess it will be most probably the last entry I will ever type on this page I guess.

In the future, most likely I will start another blog at the somewhere else, but that will most probably be in a few month's time.

And most likely I will start another blogpage uploading Ben & Cal 's productions. Details have not been finalized yet. I am still trying to get Chicken's consent about the productions....but with school's starting and all, I wonder if I'll have the time to do so. Several clips had already been made but yet to be edited. So we'll see how things go. If it's up, it will be on my facebook info page... =D

A chapter closes, and another begins. I hope that whoever is reading this, good luck in your future endeavors.

All the best. To all those out there.

And to me.

-L'esperienza de questa dolce vita-

2010-08-26T23:44:00.002+08:00

Today's mood was one of the worst during the semester breaks.

Due to yesterday's incident, had a vivid dream related to that, and it doesn't exactly make my morning enjoyable at all.

In the end had to resort to visiting the gym to let out some steam, and things had gone pretty ok, except for the fact that after watching some shows on scv the negative emotions came back.

No choice but to go for another 5km run in the evening, and at the same time trying to sort out my feelings.

Things got sorted out, and I sort of came to a decision. And now after that is done, all should be fine, but the negative feeling is somehow lingers within.

But on a positive prospect, I have completed the first part of my finalized 说了再见 piano piece. The mood was absolutely there, so might as well dun let it go to waste. This type of inspiration isn't good to have it often.

-out-

2010-08-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

This may ends up to be a long entry...but here goes....

25th August Cold weather

I thought tonight is just going to be another normal mundane night where I continue to procrastinate my time away with bejeweled and watching facebook videos posted by my other friends. However, I was wrong.

Upon signing in MSN, I noticed Miss Z is feeling exceptionally emo today. How I happen to know? Just treat it as I tend to notice minor details in which people overlooked, resulting in me noticing stuffs which are both good or bad. Not that I am paying particular attention to that person of course. And her MSN nick is right on top few on my list, so its kinda hard not to see.

Before I continue, allow me to explain my relationship with Z. I do admit that I have feelings towards her, and after a couple of weeks of self-reflection I have finally settled down internally that my feelings towards her will always be like that of between siblings. And other than her I treat Miss S and Miss A equally as well, since I too treat them like my own sister, nothing more. And as a sister I will treat the same as Hm, Bean and gang. For instance, the Hm-YR incident at the pavilion/playground; the beer drinking session with bean at pavilion(different pavilion); inviting David on purpose for more social gatherings to divert his attention away from his current sticky situation(even thou it ends up in failure)-- I guess these are the things I will do for my close friends ba. So in short, my feelings for Z is classified till that level, nothing more.

Back to the story-- I drove down to her house, reached there and smsed her whether she is interested in having supper. I have considered the options then. If she agrees, then we can go timah there have supper, and maybe a HTHT there, and I can clarify my feelings as well. If she rejects, then I'll just drive off. I'll need a spin around anyway to sort out some other feelings.

Of course, the " I happen to be at your house downstairs" is a super lousy excuse, and the reason for not telling directly is because i think its due to my ego, and of course there is another 老贼尼 reason in which I dun wan to disclose.

In the end, I drove back home since she'd felt like sleeping.

The end.

Actually, the reason why I wanted to sms her when I reached her place is because I wanted to think this out-- the pros and cons of doing so. I am not trying to be a ridiculous savior of some sort, nor am I trying to be a knight in a shining white armor in which is trying to help a damsel in distress. I mean, most probably this is due to the fact that she always try to cheer people up whenever she is around-- and I do hope that I can do something for her when she is down.

But come to think of it, if she doesn't even confide it to her close friends, what am I to her anyway?

And after all this the backlash I'm afraid I have created is 1. More misunderstanding that I wanted to go on a relationship with her. 2. Impose greater pressure upon her.

But the above 2 points are just my opinion, and I do hope that I am just thinking too much. I just hope I can clarify someday.

On additional note, this incident reminds me of that night as well. I was so afraid that history will repeat itself, but I think I insisted on doing so since what's going to happen is going to happen, and there is no chance of avoiding. But still I am glad everything ends this way.

After all, one thing I have learned during this summer break is this: Facing an incident and doing something will only allow you to move forward and learn, be it right or wrong. Doing nothing, and you will only stay on that pathetic spot, still trying to figuring out right from wrong. I am glad that I have done that, despite the implications I've created.

After all these, I do hope that Z 1. Will have enough strength to pick herself up

2. Please do not find me despo after this incident. I am not.

And yup I dun think she'd ever be reading this entry over here. Unless the cow rises from the west and jumps over the sun.

-out-

2010-08-16T22:18:00.003+08:00

Today is a day where I encounter all sorts of driver.

1. A driver who on the hazard light and stopped in a middle of a T junction inside my carpark. Had to mount curb reluctantly to avoid scratching our cars. But failed. Signaled him repeatedly to move his vehicle forward a little for my car to go pass. Ignored. Scrolled down the windscreen and furiously requested him to move forward. Must have forgot to put his T-plate on.

2. A driver who stopped the car in the middle of the lane without switching on the hazard light. Was wondering what is he doing.

3. A lorry driver who tends to drift from his own lane. Nearly hit the railing at road shoulder, then at the connector linking BKE and SLE, which was a 2 way lane, hogging in the middle of a lane. A SUV tried to overtake from the right, and was compelled to jam the brakes. As for me, I quickly distanced myself 100 metres away. Either he was dozing off, or he was drunk.

4. A driver who cuts 3 lanes straight at 140km/h. Overtook me when I was already at 100km/h. Simply scary.

Morale of the story: Drive safely, and sensibly.

Tiger was discharged on the day of operation, which was today. Things went pretty smoothly; having the lump removed without the removal of its toe and she was as good as new. Except for the fact that she is still tired after the operation.

In short, I was feeling almost as if the sky is clearing up. If only the malay lady did not shut me out of the office of finance when I was pushing the door open using the CLOSED sign as an excuse. Have to make another trip down soon. How rude.

2010-08-13T13:58:00.002+08:00

Had been a pretty rough day today. Oh wait, only half a day is gone. The backlash of Black Friday indeed.

This morning woke up early to bring Tiger to see the vet. It seems that there is infection of some sort. Turns out that she had a high fever--39 degrees. No wonder she looked so frail. The lump on her leg seems to be growing, and my mum seems to be relying on her all-wonder cure milk powder to cure the lump. Even though I have much to comment regarding that, I guess I'll leave it since it isn't nice of me to pour cold water on her.

Back to the lump-- in the end it seems that the lump needs to be removed asap, but the catch is that upon given anesthesia there will be likelihood that the dog will go into a coma for good, which is something like euthanasia. Her liver has been failing too, and due to old age (12 years and 7 months) these are the things that reduces the chances of her waking up.

I wonder if the lump should have been removed like years ago, when it is still small. That time it was my elder sister who called the shots, since she was there with my Dad at the vet. However if that was done then, then it might not have been running and hopping around the house for the next few years.

Doing the surgery now might involve cutting away one of its toes. And to think that my mum and sis's reaction would be " cut lor, since it is like no use lidat". I was pretty taken aback. Perhaps perception between them and me is so different. I guess its back on the issue of animal rights.... but shouldn't discuss about it here. I looked back, and wondered who was the one who insisted on having a pet then. And looking now, it seems that the responsibility seems to be pushed around. Yet there isn't anything that I can say out loud, since I myself is also at fault for failing to take the initiative to care. After all, among the 3 puppies that we have owned, only JoJo the one in which I was more inclined towards went missing around 10 years ago. Since then it seems that my care towards the dogs had been lessened to some extent.

Back to the story-- the surgery is scheduled on next monday, it somehow I do feel pretty disheartened in a way or another, after all it was her who "sit" by me when I was feeling down. However, matters of life and death-- there is little room for us to intervene, isn't it? What is inevitable, will only be the inevitable. Fancy deciding such matters on Black Friday; what an omen this is.

Enough of the dog.

Last night I had a conversation with Colinson again. Told him that I finally decided to give up again. Difference was that last time I tried and I gave up, and this time I gave up without trying. Which makes me think if really am I that lack of confidence in myself. But of course, when relationships comes into play, other factors needs to be taken into consideration as well...and I feel that there is no point at all to even start a lost cause. And then he asked me " Do you feel disappointed, or relief?"

"Relief".

I do not know why I answered that. Perhaps letting go was a salvation for me to progress on, instead of being tied down to the boulder. I mean, that was what I really felt then upon facing this problem.

Thereafter he broke the news to me regarding the things happening on his side. Congratulations to him for finally embarking on a new relationship. Thereafter proceeded to browsing fb photos of her, talking which of her photos are nice and so on...hahaz.

Among so many friends Colin perhaps is the one being most similar to who I am. If he can finally embark on this new path, I wonder if I ever can too. I guess the answer to that....only time will tell.

I hope this entry on Black Friday shall be considered the last "emo" entry I have entered. As of late too many emotional things had been happening around me, and there are many things going through my mind. Time to settle down and focus on the path ahead, and conclude this period of nightmare once and for all!

-out-

2010-08-10T00:26:00.004+08:00

I don't understand why, but somehow I managed to go to the lakeside pond to enter a fishing competition. Eating a fish-- I am a pro, but when it comes to fishing....oh well. Casting a rod and wait that I do know how to, but using what size of weights, or how to attach floats, or hold to grasp the tension of the line...these are immense knowledge. Perhaps a probable reason as to why my sudden urge of going fishing perhaps is to gain more exposure of all sorts when I am 22. After all, perhaps 3 more years and never will I have the time to do all these again, even if I wanted to.

Anyway, today during fishing, I've got a bite, but somehow the string snapped and the fish got away with my bait. The sensation is almost as if I had lost a close game of Dota. And then it struck me that I am someone who doesn't like to lose. I mean, I do know this feeling...but to identify and accept it as part of my innate personality is never easy.(That is why there are lost people who couldn't really pin-point how they are feeling with regards to certain people). The reason I quit Dota was that I do not like the feeling of losing, and I do not want that build-up of negative energy which may affect my judgement pertaining to other issues in life.

This is definitely different from being competitive, for competitive characterizes someone who always want to win, but for me it is to avoid losing. It is like different objectives in businesses; some kept looking for ways to earn a profit, while there are others trying to minimize their losses. I belong to the latter.

Having said that, when it comes to relationships, I noticed a similar trend which existed. Sometimes it is hard for people to forgo a relationship-- perhaps it is not the reason that one still loves the other. Perhaps the reason is because after all that is done for her, and all that effort gone to waste. Once again, a similar feeling of losing comes into play. And from there that is when things get rather....extreme. Saying this is easy, but identifying this trend within oneself requires much objectivity(after all, the one is suffering the blow ultimately), and also much courage and EQ to admit this as well.

So much for the things of the past. Now for the present-- I guess not thinking of the problem helps to a certain extent. Thinking of the possibilities in the future would mean thinking of her--which makes it harder for one to accept the fact that things are impossible between the 2. At least, with the illness kicking in and my adventurous spirit comes into play, I guess I may be able to keep my mind occupied till school reopens, before the brain-draining tutorials starts to rain upon me once again. I guess my heart is gradually beginning to accept the fact, and started to move on, which is definitely a good thing at this point in time.

If she and I are fated to be, why even bother? What come may.

-out-

2010-08-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

Friday night, Windy

I am supposed to be planning about the things I have to do for the next few weeks, but it seems that my affections have been giving me much trouble lately. In addition of the series of food poisoning, migraine, sore throat and flu, I am not exactly in the best condition to sort of my thinking clearly.

Lately I am indeed pretty troubled with matters at heart, but to be more exact, it is rather due to the fact that my heart somehow doesn't want to accept what my brain has come out with. Therefore I finally seek advise from a few of my friends and it seems that ultimately, nothing will come out from all of this. And this time, instead of doubting this statement all over again, perhaps I will try to accept it as a fact. Perhaps it will make my life simpler. =D

-out-

2010-08-01T22:19:00.002+08:00

Recently have been on a spending spree at orchard. Main bulk of the money goes to the presents for the 2 guys. Even though people will pay me back, but after 2 massive celebrations, people had been leeched dry in a way or another. Even for me, for someone who is working and all, its pretty taxing to do the sums eventually. Now for the third celebration. Presents were bought, but still I am a bit reluctant to demand money from the rest, since firstly its nearing the end of holidays, thus people are clenching their fists tighter than before. We'll see how things go regarding this. Waiting for my pay to come in, before I can re-plan my expenses and all.

Matters of the heart can never been worse. Sometimes restraining how your heart feels definitely isn't the best feeling one can experience, but my current stand is rather pain now than to suffer that amount of pain in the future, + sense of regrets as interests. I have to find a way to clear my mind somehow, or else this remaining month its gonna be quite a torment for me.

Guitar lessons perhaps?

-out-

2010-07-31T01:56:00.002+08:00

Today officially marks the last day of my work. I am not sure whether will there be call backs, but looking how things are going I think there is not going to be one.

At least at my course of work I managed to talk to one of the biggest shots in the company I think, and its like talk cok, sing song that type, since both of us has the same surname. Quite fun talking to him actually, and oh well he's at US but I am at SG, so talking to him also allows me to experience how transferred personnels to US talks.

One thing glad to note is that I guess I am finally able to distinguish between a sister and a lover. My own set of definitions in which I am pretty proud of, but still awaited to be tested. Haha. See how things go ba.

-out-

2010-07-28T11:10:00.002+08:00

28 Jul: Rainy day

Such a good day for me to sleep in. But still this morning my mood was exceptionally good, due to a good dream I had. It was fantasy like, but all seems pretty real.

Today I am taking break from my training regime. It just makes me feel that my bones are breaking. Sometimes being old is just something I am unable to deny. ouch.

It seems that 1 more month to my holidays, and my goals in this holidays are pretty much met, except for the fact that I am still unable to compose a song on my own which I wanted. I simply suck at lyrics, especially when there is lack in inspiration.

1 more month to go. Is there enough time for me to slot in a guitar lesson? Hmm....

I guess it's almost time to tidy up my feelings in preparation for the upcoming semester.

-out-

2010-07-25T15:05:00.002+08:00

Was terribly pissed off when the job agency made a mistake when doing my paycheck. They've short-changed me of 100+ dollars. That's so unfair.

Anyway, 1 more week and its the end of my work. I really feel the urge to make for a getaway. Numerous attempts had been made but still failed in the end.

I finally found 1 or 2 places in which I would like to go overseas, but the cost incurred is really too much for me to bear. Sometimes I hate myself for being such a pauper, but still not being so I would never learn the importance of saving. You'll lose some, you'll gain some.

I still have yet to plan what to do for the month of August, but still I have a few activities in mind. But whatever I do I still need to do my sums right. After all, I still owe the bank lots and lots of money. Life's terrible when you start to owe people money, especially its like a bottomless pit.

3 more years of uni to go. I wonder. Hmm.

-out-

2010-07-17T03:32:00.002+08:00

Its 330 am in the morning. In the middle of the night shift at work. I am desperately trying to stay awake. ~_~

Today will be the last day I would be taking the shift. Hurray!

Recently have grown fat a lot, due to the lack of time to hit the gyms and trying desperately to reduce the amount of sleep debt accumulated.

Sleeping late really makes one grow fat.

Next week will be taking the normal business hours shift (i.e from 830am to 530pm)

This means that no more watching-serials-on-the-job regime for the whole of 1 week.

This job has been one of my most enjoyable job ever. Working in an MNC is really an eye-opener, from the systems incorporated in all aspects within the company to the job responsibilities of individuals, and also the welfare of a huge comapny--these are the things really broaden my horizon. Now I look at those interns within the same office building-- I feel like I am actually doing an intern too, except for the fact that I am not, and the pay I am recieving is twice the amount as compared to them =P.

Anyway, so much for work. Back to personal stuffs.

A lot of things had been on my mind lately, and my attempts to cover my sleep debts had resulted me not enough time to actually try and sort them out individually.

Sort them out-- sounds so easy to do, when actually it is not.

But I guess doing it constantly sort of make it an instictive action. At least now I am honest to myself, when feelings are involved. Now I do know what or how I feel regarding certain issues. (in which I do not and that often confuses me) From this then can I really know what I want and explore my choices much better. Hopefully, in time to come I will be able to not only be honest with myself, but also be honest to my loved ones.

Anyway, that's that. Suddenly I had a temptation to read the card that was given to me by someone in 2006. On the card, it wrote: "Cherish whatever chance that are bestowed upon you, and more importantly willing to fight for it. "

When it comes to love I admit that for the past few years I had been taking a rather passive approach. Waiting for chance to drop from the sky, always giving myself excuses from turning from passive to active. I guess that is because I wanted to know myself a little better; to improve myself a little better. Constantly reaching towards the clear blue sky for the sun. I want to become someone whom people can rely on.

A few years have passed and I guess I am pretty happy with the current progress. It actually ain't much, but hey at least I am still moving forward. Which comes to the second question in mind. When then can I change from being passive to active?

I do not have the answer. Perhaps this question came at a time too early. I am still moving on very thin ice. If I don't feel secure about my future, how can I expect the other half to feel secure being around with me?

Perhaps I am thinking too much at this point in time, for I should most probably let everything flow in the river of time naturally. But then, if not now, then when?

A interesting to share. 伴：如果没有“人”，how can you make your half (半) complete?

-out-

2010-07-14T00:04:00.001+08:00

K, its time for work again.

I guess I'll need to be more determined in sticking to my resolutions.

It is quite hard at times, but I'll try =)

-out-

2010-07-12T21:39:00.003+08:00

I guess I can never get used to start work in the middle of the night. The waiting for the time to come is traumatizing, since usually what one experiences is to either fb or idle all the way through the night, not waiting to start work.

I have been forcefully trying to alter my biological clock, at least for this week. Working from 1am to 9am isn't that healthy after all. But still no matter how hard I try to sleep, things keep popping into my mind.

This kinda reminds me of the time I had to do my OPs duties. It was around this time shift as well, and the feeling of starting work is so similar.

I guess working in the morning is so much better since you will be hoping that you don't need go to work rather than waiting for the time to come. I mean, rushing for work is so much better than waiting to go to work.

Tomorrow morning there will be another badminton session. I think I will be heading there straight from work.

Hopes everything goes well for the first night of work! =)

-out-

2010-07-10T00:27:00.002+08:00

I guess past few days have been letting my feelings running amok.

I mean, it's kinda hard not to think about such things once in a while, when one tends to look back and see how others are leading a life much better than him.

But of course that definitely doesn't mean that I ain't enjoying my life ^_^

Past few days I have really been squeezed dry.

A 9 to 6 job becoming to a 9 to 11 job isn't that fun after all, especially in business attire and no 1.5X pay is given. But still experience wise I still find it rewarding. I guess after all that, I should be accustomed to working extra hours as compared to the rest. The fortune teller says that I have a workaholic life.

All these OTs are making me fat. Night Snacks, dinners, subways, tea time, free beverages. I just feel so tempted. And not to say the pay I got is much higher than those interns as well =P. But oh well things are at a all-time high key, especially now, so I guess I'll just have to try a bit harder then! =)

Things are going to be in full swing next week, and I am in the last shift. 5 days of a owl lifestyle. Great. I can forsee getting fatter. T_T

-out-

2010-07-05T22:16:00.002+08:00

Today was a tired day. Went to gym in the morning, and then thereafter went to Marina Square for Manhattan Fish. The fish and chips nearly killed me. I could barely finish half of the fish, surprisingly. I guess with all the diet regime my appetite has shrunk exponentially, which is definitely a good thing =).

Thereafter we have to "coincidentally" bumped into Hm and Jaq at Carl's Junior. Couldn't made the encounter natural since I was hiccuping all the way from Manhattan to Carl's Junior. Have to desperately grab a cup of lemon tea from Carl's Junior to stop the hiccuping prompto. Thereafter Benji treated me MOF at Marina Square, along with Hm and Jaq. It was the first time I actually ate MOF, despite the fact that Stef recommended to me years ago. I wouldn't have gone to eat if not for the fact that there is an occasion for me to go in and it. It's pretty weird to eat alone at times, except during work and studies of course. Thereafter proceed to buy William's present.

Seeing Hm and Jaq, I suddenly realized that when it comes to relationships, 我还是无法过我自己的那一关。I may be good at analyzing situations, symptoms and clues and hints here and there, whether be it its other's or my own(of course its harder when I am involved), but I do not dare to embark on that path. Perhaps its due to the fact that I am too analytical. What if ...... What if..... Too many uncertainties, and sometimes its hard to decide on which factors to ignore. I guess people say love is irrational, but I think a more accurate way of putting it should be that one has to be irrational in order to love.

I have been irrational, but I start to lose the sight of all things in front of me, which is very scary.

Usually if a friend is in such a situation the advice I would give is to have faith in both the person you liked and in himself too, but I guess I do not even have the courage to say the same to me. Factors to consider is, for short term: What can I offer in order to maintain the relationship? What can I do to make her happy? How much do I know about her? Can I really be her pillar of support in times of need? Long term considerations are as such: How long can our relationship last? If I were to change, in what direction will I change and will it sour between us?

Of course, on a happy note, I guess if the short term problems can be resolved then the long term problems can be resolved naturally, so there isn't a need for me to think until that far, at the moment. =)

Seeing Hm and Jaq; Bean and Zj; Aaron and Joyce; all 3 relationships boils down to 3 different situations. I guess that is what people say, the beauty of relationships, and the one my analytical mind couldn't perceive no matter how long it'll take.

I wonder, how long will it take for me, to be able to pick up the pen and start writing the love chapter of my life.

-out, with hope-

2010-07-05T00:09:00.004+08:00

Stop by to blog for a while, since the show is taking its time to load.

I finally uninstalled DGn, since I think that its time for me to do more meaningful things rather than idling in front of the computer and killing monsters.

For the past week its quite full of ups and downs i would say. Besides the devastation my family members gave me(which luckily have been resolved after a good nite's sleep =) ) , there are little bits and pieces of surprises friends had given me in which had lightened up my day alot. Also with a little spices fate has added for me, for the pleasant unexpected encounters with close friends of the past on the same day-- It really has been quite an interesting week =).

I guess I won't be seeing mundane days ahead anymore(at least until the semester starts). With so much time in hand, so much things for me to learn; so much things for me to ponder upon, and thus so much space for me to grow(not physically, of course =P).

I wonder, whether my way of thinking will change again few years down the road? I guess I am actually excited to see what is to become in the future =).

-out, constantly adding colors to my life ^_^ -

2010-07-04T05:18:00.002+08:00

Fancy blogging at 5am.

I just reached home from a overnight K-singing session at Katong. I am so tired.

But anyway, the good news I would like to share is that it seems that I finally have straightened out my thinking pertaining to the issue discussed on my previous entry. Now the thing is whether or not I have the ability to follow it through.

A reason to say yes, and a thousand to say no. There are people who still will put their chips against the odds, but the more irrational one tends to be, the more rational one has to be.

I am glad that things had settled down more or less on my side =)

-out-

2010-07-03T00:07:00.003+08:00

I really hate the feeling when the heart and the brain couldn't simply come to a common consensus.

I received a news today, and the ironic thing is, I really don't know to be happy or sad.

Not convenient to elaborate too much at this juncture.

Just hours ago I was still determined to just focus on my studies, and absorbing as much life skills as possible during my free time. Life skills such as driving. That is why I took up Korea lesson.

But upon hearing the news it somehow opened me to other possibilities, or rather, chances in another perspective, in which may seriously impede in what I am about to set out to do.

And also, another thing that this piece of news made me realized, is that somehow the scars of the past is still haunting me within. The fear of failing. The fear of losing a bond so precious yet again. I may not be sulking anymore, but I guess it may take forever to overcome this particular fear. Or perhaps I am...just not strong enough to face that critical moment at this moment in time. Perhaps broadening my horizons, be it pertaining to this aspect or not, will reduce the impact of this fear is giving me.

I am sorry all these seems so obscure and mystified, but I really can't explain everything explicitly at this moment in time. Perhaps, in due time.

-out-

2010-06-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

Have been so tired today.

Time really past fast for the past week. Last Thursday was my first day of work at NOL. It's quite a last minute notification. Have to get ready my business wear and everything. After work had to go Lot 1 to pre-order the cake for the 3 guys and we celebrated it over at Aaron's house. Had quite a fun time at saturday pokering, playing mahjong and ps3. Bean thereafter fetches us home with his ever-ultra fast driving skills.

Slept till evening on Sunday. Was almost late for my lesson. Extra work needs to be done since I had to forgo the previous week's lesson for my sis to go to choose a new puppy. Lesson was getting harder by the week, but hey its kinda fun actually.

MOnday: Went back to school for GIP talk. Had to go there to hear what they have to say, for me to mentally prepare of what is to come. Of course, not to forget the reception after the talk. The fried dumplings was nice, I would say.

Tues: Fetch Grandma to hospital for a blood test. Traffic was a killer. All roads from Bukit Batok to Jurong East is jammed I guess. And having only 6 hours of sleep is just making a grumpy driver even grumpier. Had breakfast at NUH, thereafter rushed back home to camp in front of the computer for course registration. Had a few hiccups here and there, but I guess everything went quite smoothly. Thereafter at evening went to JP to meet Ash for dinner. Had to treat her dinner since she gave me quite a lot of Wii dvds to play. Sr was supposed to tag along, but somehow he never came. We headed out to Bakerzin to eat, since Ash had a one for one offer. Lucky lucky =). Then she handed me 2 banana cakes that she baked that day. 超感动！And it was very nice too! =) If my younger sister was as thoughtful and mature and kind as her........ -.-

Wednesday, 2nd day of work. SO tired. On and off workdays aren't that fascinating after all. It's kinda hard to adapt oneself into the environment in such a short moment. But I think I'll manage somehow. Pay is good, after all. =)

So tired. Tomorrow still got badminton.

-out-

2010-06-25T23:49:00.002+08:00

So tired today.

Past few days have been quite happy since I'd finally found a job @ NOL. Currently its one of the biggest MNCs around Singapore, and the pay they offer is 8 bucks per hour for normal working hours. And what is needed is a bit like ops manning for 3 weeks 24/7 (but still 5 days work week) and some data entry.

First day of work was pretty enjoyable, and we start to familiarize with our own job scopes. Being able to immerse in the HR department atmosphere indeed is an eye-opener for me. The system that took place in such a large MNC corporation, and the structure and real-time experience in a staff conference and presentation of projects-- knowing is one thing; experiencing is totally another thing.

Down side was that have to be in office attire when work, but the pay I guess there is nothing much for me to complain about.

Tomorrow will be celebrating some friends' birthday. The preparation has been taking the toll out of me mentally. Not because there are many things to plan about, but rather its the peer pressure that is stressing me. What will person A react when I ask person B to come along? How is the price of the cake going to be split between person B C and D? How are we going to settle the present for person E? How will person C react if we eat without him? Will Person B feel awkward? Sigh.

Politics Politics Politics. I'm actually pretty tired of it. All the animosity in the air. Some may say that what is deserved of me trying to be the middleman, who does not seem to be appreciated at all. But for me I think personally I could not stay still knowing that people gets left out/behind, whether intentionally or unintentionally, due to any reason. Because I myself know exactly how much is the pain for being in such a circumstance. Nevertheless, if the help I offered was rejected or scolded being redundant, then I will not lay a finger regarding the issue again.

No one has to go through what I've been through.

-out-

2010-06-23T23:27:00.002+08:00

I have really been happy today. ^_^

Shall elaborate at a later date! =)

-out-

2010-06-16T22:42:00.002+08:00

The sky has been exceptionally dark these days, and somehow I find it resonating with my feelings.

The night wind had been particularly chilling as I made my way to buy dinner for myself. Eating alone perhaps is the thing I fear most now, for somehow the loneliness sometimes is so devastating. Luckily there will be always television to accompany me, but still eating in a group is always much happier.

Visited the hospital today, and the check-up doesn't look good, as expected. Was quite demoralized by the results, but hey, I guess I gotta move on, since nothing much can be done at this point in time. I realized one thing though: There are always some things you dedicate your whole into it as if your life is on the line, and yet things may not be appreciated. Putting in my utmost effort during my active days, resulting the ember light for my health to light up and yet 2 years later my boss (OC) can't even remember my name anymore. And thinking back, one starts to question himself whether the things he had done is worth it or not. Luckily, my only consolation is that hey, at least I have achieved what I would like to learn from this experience. Nevertheless, the sense of regret is still there.

Today again received the call from RE. Told me they will need to prepare some documents and most probably I would have to start work tomorrow, but somehow the final confirmation phone call never came. So a whole day's anticipation has came to a naught. Perhaps its better this way, for still I can go Kbox this fri, and I still can go ahead with the Genting plans as per planned.(even though the details haven't been exactly finalized yet).

Tomorrow will be going to do some window shopping with benji at bugis area, and at the same time trying to scout for some presents for some. Better sleep early tonight.

-out-

2010-06-15T21:41:00.002+08:00

So tired. Badminton for 2 hours and I am already pretty in a daze. It simply shows that 22 years old boy isn't exactly young anymore ~_~

But anyway, these few days have been pretty rough for me. With incidents happening at home and trying to convert back to civilian from going green basically adds on ample stress on my mind. But I hope everything will be fine soon.

I have been trying desperately to get a job these few days. Spamming resumes to job agencies over and over again, and aiming for those short term projects to earn some funds for the trip to genting is actually taking the toll out of me. I hope that I will get a response pretty soon. Time for work is simply running out for me.

-out-

2010-06-13T14:06:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

It seems to me that my sister's problem has turned from bad to worse, from the time I turned green again 1 week ago.

Nevertheless I guess I will still pretend nothing as happened, for perhaps normalcy is the best medicine for her to steer back to her normal life once again, instead of continuing plunging into the depths of despair.

Furthermore, having faith in her in finding her own correct path is also a way of expressing my concern for her.

When relationships are concern, be it siblings love or BGR, faith, after all, is the most important middleman of them all. Without faith, even the longest relationships will crumble in an instant.

-out-

2010-06-11T18:32:00.002+08:00

Finally back from my in-camp training.

It was quite an unique experience since its the first time I am facing something in which had haunt me from time to time, based on previous experiences.

Luckily, I guess everything went well better than expected. Meeting old comrades in arms, engaging with new ones; meeting people from different parts of the society simply broadens my scope amazingly. Meeting new people means that I have new things to learn from them, and meeting old friends means having a chance again to reflect and correct the actions that I have done before as compared to the present.

After some commander's HTHT sessions I was tempted to do things that I think I shouldn't be doing, but on seconds thought I guess that isn't the thing that I should be focusing on at the moment, for there are still some other priorities in life other than that, at least for the next 2 or 3 years I suppose.

I feel so mentally shagged. Had an argue with my sis about running some errand for her and she somehow vented her pent-up anger on me. It simply pisses me off, for being flared over something in which I am not obliged to do.

Everyone's so emo nowadays. Perhaps its the post-adolescence crisis. Hope the genting trip is a success, at least to distract them away from their troubles and to relax for a while. Somehow I can foresee that it's pretty hard, but I think I'll persevere this time. ^_^

-out-

2010-06-06T00:04:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

Today had been quite an enjoyable day. I had so much fun with the cousins whom I have not met for such a long time. I haven't laughed like this in ages, and all it takes is just a simple game of monkey where 3 little brats trying to snatch the ball from me. And to my surprise upon catching the ball the brats immediately "arrested" me and grabbed me out of the room. A game of monkey suddenly became a role-playing game. And the amazing thing is that how natural all these things happen, for there was no explanation to the rules, nothing. I guess I was simply amazed by the critical thinking and imagination of kids nowadays.

Rules--the things that bind us tightly; the things that sometimes we ourselves established and adhered to-- perhaps are the things that kills our imaginative mind. The little box of ours are strengthened each day with additional life experiences, and are glued more tightly with additional rules in which we assumed it was right. Breaking out of the box perhaps is an impossible feat for me to accomplish right now. Now then I can understand how hard is it for an adult to come out with good stories such as Alice in wonderland, Snow white and the 7 dwarfs etc etc , for it takes so much more for a child to appreciate and like a tale spun by the adults, who had undergone so much.

A couple of weeks back a friend whom I've known since young told me that she knew I was a guy who bottled my feelings up and thus concluded that I am someone who is pretty stressed and emo all the time. I guess that may be the case, and thus I've decided to steer away from that impression. After today's incident, I've noticed that perhaps the best thing that can make me laugh is when others are in laughter too. I came across a close friend's post on fb and she seems to be quite happy with the people she hanged out with. Somehow surprisingly a sense of elation came over me instead of some other random negative emotions. Oh well, being happy is something contagious I think. Therefore, I think 不管是关心的人或是自己，最重要的是：开心就好!! ^_^

Always learning, learning always.

-out-

2010-06-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

Have been quite weird for these couple of days.

Person A suddenly ask me regarding how irritating person B is, and person C from another clique told me how irritating person X and XX is so immature.

Which makes me reflect upon this: What about me? Have my actions brought discomfort/irritated the others w/o me knowing? How will others perceive of me? Is there anyway to further improve myself from the point where I am?

A couple of days back i was reading a book on quantum physics in spiritual context. It was a short book in which I finished reading in about an hr in JE library. There is one point in which I came out with. Our own individual universe, is made up of our own beliefs: our beliefs of what is right and what is wrong; and also the environment we are subjected to, including the memories and interactions of those around us. Together with a pinch of pride and humility, and spices of our own unique personality--our universe is nothing more than that. To achieve a breakthrough is to bring yourself out of this black box of universe. And it ain't easy at all.

Whatever troubles I may bring to others, I am so done in making amendments. Do a favour for you and those you've troubled. Keep moving forward. Achieve greater power from this and you can always think about making amendments in the future.

One shouldn't make his present based on his past

For he too will make his future based on his present.

And there he'll be, finding himself standing at the same spot all these while, trapped within his own universe. ^_^

-out-

2010-05-30T00:48:00.002+08:00

Today was a tiring day.

Played basketball with Bean's friends near his house. For the first time we had a 5 v 5 full court match. Quite fun, but the weather was really hot when it was near the noon. In the end headed out to the nearby marketplace for lunch. From there we've decided to change our poker session into a send-of-ah-toinh session where I drove them to the T1 to send toinh off. Had Popeye's Chicken there, and followed by a egg-toast set meal at Killiney's. Drank a cup of hot tea trying to perk myself up for the long drive back home, but in the end still nearly went into accident twice while changing lanes.

Speaking of driving, I guess its the matter of preference what type of driver you are. I am the slow-and steady type, where I really don't like to cut vehicles unnecessary unless the vehicles is really slow, or it is a heavy type vehicle. I mean, in our daily everyday lives, we have been rushing all the time--here and there. I love driving. So why is there a need for me to be kancheong in doing something I loved? Driving slow helps me to relax my mind by focusing on the task at hand, without any additional pressure. It will really be quite uneasy for me if you have a v-comd that is asking you to cut here cut that lane there. Despite all these, its still kinda fun driving my friends around singapore, nearly missing turns over here and there. All's well, ends well.

Down side is, however, I was to mentally shagged out till I was literally staggering while trying to walk to the lift. There was a gentle discomfort on my left brain. I wonder is this a resultant of using too much concentration at the games convention at Expo while playing SCII.

On a side note, today's happening is a bit of a deja vu. I actually dream if the scenerio at Candy empire which takes place exactly today. Have a gut feeling of something bad is going to happen, but perhaps its just me thinking too much.

I'll try to slow down my pace in life if possible. Walk slowly, and take my time to understand the things that is going on around me. People are saying that I am taking too much things into consideration, which is unnecessary. Even if things are going to happen in the far far future. I guess I'll have to learn how to give and take at times. ^_^

-out-

2010-05-27T21:15:00.002+08:00

Today was just another boring day. The release of results was a bit anti-climax since after much anticipation nothing much changes.

Perhaps its the idling has get the better of us, since those who are basically fermenting at home are kinda moody, including me. And I just received information that benji ot sick and tired of being a peon and quited his job. Welcome back to the fermenting club, benji!!

I guess with the release of results its a signal to include visiting libraries into our daily bored curriculum besides just only hitting to the gyms. I guess its we are trying to strike a balance between the brains and the brawns over here....but oh well there are still some issues still yet to be ironed out. So we shall see.

I hate the ict. It simply screws up my holiday schedules. No special sems. No work done. Which employee will want to employ a temp which have to excuse himself for 1 week? Its kinda hard to find.

For the instep programme I am shifting my focus from Germany to Canada, since the modules are so much easier to be mapped over. And I am still having second doubts regarding taking pure or applied. And most likely judging from the risks involved I shouldn't aim so high; its simply like a toad trying to get a swan's flesh. I guess I'll try and secure and get settled down with MOE teaching award. At least if I got it I hope I can ease the pockets of everyone else in my family. It is provided that I can secure the award in the first place, though.

-out-

Sometimes hanging around is already sufficient as a form of consolation, or else one wouldn't be called upon by someone else. It's a type of consolation--the type where no words are needed. ^_^

Have faith.

2010-05-26T22:40:00.002+08:00

Somehow there is a sudden feeling of uneasiness came over me. No, its not about results, but its almost as if something bad is going to happen soon.

Anyway, I think I got an answer for the food for thought 3 entries ago. By the way, the question was inspired from autumn concerto. A show which is nice to watch if you have spare time ^_^.(I sound so much like a spokesperson for the show ~_~)

Basically from the show I've learnt that concealing information based on the assumption that its good for the person is...wrong. Trying to protect the person is just simply illustrating that you have no confidence in the person whom you are trying to protect. You simply do not have enough faith for the person to have enough courage or capability to handle the news appropriately as he or she deemed fit. Simply saying that ignorance is bliss or hiding the fact from the person is just a pretext for your lack of confidence, knowingly or unknowingly. If the person really is incapable of dealing with the truth, then its time for he or she to do so--by hearing the truth.

Having said that, another reason usually people prefer to say that ignorance is bliss because if the truth is revealed, they are considering venturing into a region whereby there are too much unknown variables is at stake. In other words, opening a pandora's box. No one know its contents, and no one will be able to determine good or bad will be coming out from all of this--its quite subjective at times. With so much uncertainty, one's instinctive reaction is to hide the truth from the person involved. In short--it's human nature.

It's just like Autumn's Concerto; (spoiler) Those around GuangXi chose not to reveal who he was after he had undergone the brain surgery, thus giving him a false personality--a personality which is what his mum wanted, not what he originally is. Saying that doing so is protecting him, I feel its just plain selfish of his mum. Of course other factors previously discussed should be considered as well ^_^.

However, the above only limits to the extent whereby the person wants to protect the interests of the other party. If the person wants to protect its self-interest, of course that person has every right to keep quiet or to announce it to the others.

It's kinda deja vu actually. Since years ago this question actually popped into my mind and actually I was pretty supportive of the whole idea of ignorance is bliss. But oh well, I guess 5 years indeed a long time--so long that its enough to totally change one's ideals. ^_^

I feel I've written a GP essay. Oh well, doesn't matter.

-out-

2010-05-26T00:52:00.003+08:00

Today has been a pretty rough day for my family.

I woke upon hearing the news that my sis broke up with her bf last night. Explains why the suffocating sensation that prevents me from getting my beauty sleep. Turns out that my dad too had difficulty sleeping on the same very night. I guess that is what they call a guy's sixth sense. But anyway I on the same day I have also learnt that another of my friend's relationship is on jeopardy too, even though it isn't that convenient for me to implore further, but it definitely saddens me to some extent.

Relationships-- they can be so complicated at times. For me, I guess currently there isn't a girl in which I can think of a reason to be together with. On the other hand I had came across thousands of excuses in which people break up. Perhaps the beauty of all this is that you do not need one to be together in the first place, and whatever reasons one came up with to initiate the breakups are nothing but excuses. This may be an overstatement, but I think I'll stick to this until proven otherwise. =)

On a side note it is pretty intriguing for me whether or not is the girl or the guy who initiate the break-up. Cruel it may be, but its kind of interesting what excuses either gender will give. Perhaps from all this one can learn from the dos and don'ts in a relationship ^_^.

A demoralizing day it may be, but on a happy note QianXin finally is attached. Grats!!

Alright, tomorrow is the release of results, shall try to keep my mood up. Until then, ciaoz~

-out-

2010-05-24T20:08:00.002+08:00

I hope today's entry would be a good one, since the previous entries are just conjured based on my gut feelings based on the events happening throughout all these times.

The gym regime is taking its toll on me. Sore muscles, physical and mental fatigue-- post excessive workout regime syndromes. I wonder what will all these training leads to, but I guess that's for me to find out.

Speaking of paths that we are led to-- sometimes it makes one feel magical to see where we are today. I mean, 5 years ago I would not be seeing myself as a university student pursuing a physics degree. I wouldn't be able to foresee what a great singer Kexin has become. I wouldn't have known that my decisions will lead me to my unit during my active days. And I wouldn't have expected of what I've become and achieved today.

Having said that, the question that comes into my mind is: Are we able to see what we are going to be in 10 years time? Driving a Lamborghini around town? Settle down with a blissful family? Striving to become a politician? There is no way we can see what has fate in store for us, for we are just the makings of our own.

A reason why I am pretty sentimental today perhaps it is because its the release of the results soon. For the better or worse, I do not know, but I guess no matter what the only thing that we can do now is to embrace come what may =D. It's the same no matter in which phases in life. Even though we can't see what is going to happen, but in order to know what is it, for the good or bad; keep moving forward, or staying in the game. I do not know what I can achieve in my career by taking a physics degree(its a million dollar question to almost all physics undergraduates). But I can definitely find that out by struggling to be in the game. On the brighter side, you will gain experience for whatever choices you've made, and for that alone I do not regret.

This brings me to another point. David as previously asked me and Hm about this question: In every failed relationship, would you have amended anything if you have the chance to go back in time. i.e. If you were in the same situation, will you have done the same thing? I was pretty dumbstruck at that moment since I do not really have any practical relationship experiences, but for my particular case I guess my answer would be this: Even though the past keeps haunting me for the things I should have and should not have done, but I guess if we can go back in time and amend things that we have done, this flower will not have start to bloom. Reminiscence is just reviewing the fruits and scars of the past, and that should not, in a way or another, hinder us in moving forward. Remember, the world will keep rotating even if one isolates himself in his own world, in his own time.

If you have time, stretch out your hand, and reach for the sun. Whilst doing so, you will notice how beautiful the clouds are.

-out-

2010-05-21T21:18:00.003+08:00

Life can be pretty meaningless when it comes to holidays. ~_~

I definitely would like to find a job, but the 1 week ICT is such a hindrance to my plans. Zzz.

My hope lies with the job agencies, but they can get pretty unreliable at times. But if still I recieve no news from them by mid june, I guess I'll head out to IMM to scout for walk-in interviews. Muahaha =P.

9 more days to the release of results. Still got some time to sort out my back-up plans, if I failed terribly in the past semester. It just means that I have no affinity with Physics, thats all.

Food for thought: If one day you will have a pandora's box, will you choose to open it to see its contents, or will you be content keeping the contents sealed, thinking that ignorance is bliss?

-out-

2010-05-16T01:06:00.002+08:00

I don't know why, but I've got a feeling that something bad is approaching. Something bigger than the announcement of results I guess. But it's just a gut feeling, but still.....sigh.

Anyway, past 2 months I can say that I've been staying in fairytale, even though there is a lot of work load and all, but most important of all I was really happy ^_^. But with friends leaving the courses once again is slightly disheartening, but somehow it cannot be avoided. I guess its just one of the other million things that I have to learn to accept and to adapt.

I realized that I am a sentimental person. Always considering about other's feelings, afraid of this, thinking of that. I acknowledge that it is a weakness of mine, but I do know also that it is my greatest strength. It's up to me how to utilize this characteristic. =P.

I know I have been rather emotional this past week. Post exams syndrome I suppose. I hope that I will get better in the upcoming week.

Cheers~

-out-

2010-05-14T00:14:00.003+08:00

Had been a crazy week for me.

Previously mentioned, some minor things on my mind recently. Been pretty tired, but oh well time spent is sure fruitful.

One thing that has cheered me up is the outing today. Even though there seems to be like nothing in common for a group like us to talk about, but I think we managed to pull it through pretty well. Even though the end part was nothing but gossips, but it sure is a new (and evil) way of keeping the mood high.

One thing pity is that Stef couldn't really join us though(even though she was there but she was occupied with another clique). But oh well, my guess is for such occasions the important thing is that everyone is happy, so overall it can be considered as " All's well, ends well". =D

Oh well, tomorrow there is a Kbox session with Andr and weekiat, finally a chance to relax myself. All the exercise regime and planning is taking its toll out of me, but oh well but the time spent is indeed fruitful and I can say that for this week I am spending my time to its fullest. And my pockets are burning fast as well. So I am not going to complain much =P.

-Nitex-

2010-05-10T00:01:00.002+08:00

Things had been going pretty busy nowadays.

Coincidentally met David with grace and followed by Song Hoe at Raffles place. And somehow it seems fate that a few of us met at such occasions and at that particular time slot too. David was still sms-ing me in the morning regarding william's arrival LOL.

Just had a Mother's Day dinner at Beauty World, and reached home and a quick discussion with Jimmy regarding the upcoming gathering. Oh well to be exact its just a mini get-together session because HuiQi is flying off soon. Oh well, at least the date is confirmed....or else I think Jimmy will be disappointed if the whole things gets called off.

This upcoming holiday seems to be quite a long one, with 4 outings tentatively, all haven't confirmed yet, and 2 of them postponed indefinitely. But I am glad time is passing as slow as it can be, while I still can enjoy myself at the same time =D.

Still watching Autumn's Concerto, and still waiting for youtube to load. It reall takes up alot of my time..... sigh.

-out-

2010-05-06T00:59:00.002+08:00

Oh well, once the exams are finished, somehow the sudden sense of liberation makes one feel like a lost sheep. I mean, the sudden weights lifted off from my shoulders somehow makes me lose my sense of motivation and positive perspective.

Enough of that. Oh well, started the series "Autumn Concerto". It was on air about the same period of time as Hai Pai, and therefore didn't really watch it then due to the start of the last semester. Quite a nice show actually, but of course the entertainment value isn't as much hai pai.

Weather today is rather erratic; the combination of blazing sun and heavy downpour isn't the ideal combination for someone lazing around at home.....

I really hope the job agencies will contact me soon. Or else I will be bored to death at home soon...~_~

-out-

2010-05-04T23:33:00.002+08:00

It's been a while that I am so physically worn out. Gym in the morning, following by a swim in the pool and a basketball session at night is indeed physically taxing. I can sense that my muscles are going to be sore the following day.

Anyway, there are a lot of things going through my mind recently. Therefore from time to time I can sense myself zoning out thinking of these things, especially when taking public transport. But oh well, on the bright side these issues didn't sorta surface during the exams, which is definitely a good thing, but keeping such things inside for some time isn't good for me either. My best bet now to resolve some of the things in which I can resolve, and as for those that seems to be there forever I am hoping to find something to keep my hands busy and also to keep myself away from them.

Mother's day is coming, and I still haven't got any idea how is the celebration going to be. Another thing to plan, but oh well at least for this period of time I am glad to say that time, is on my side =D

-out-

2010-05-02T20:41:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I can't help but to notice the ghost of my past keep haunting me from time to time. Perhaps too much free time on my hands has resulted me of thinking too much unnecessary stuffs occasionally.

Oh well, still I still can't forget the night view from Marina Barrage-- it was simply that breath-taking. Under the full moon. With the breeze, under the stars, illuminating the numerous kites suspending in the sky. It was a place truly to get things off your mind.

Oh well, thanks to Ash I finally have some wii games to play over my holidays. Still no news from the job agency though, and I guess its time to spam the resumes all over again!!!

My hands have been itching for a mahjong session soon. Simply can't wait.

-out-

2010-05-01T17:31:00.002+08:00

Finally uploaded the overdue photos.

The last paper did not end quite well as I've expected, thus somehow dampening the mood of the sudden surge of sense of freedom to a certain extent. I guess this is a valuable lesson learnt, but oh well, shan't talk too much into the boring-o details here.

Anyway, I'm still sleepy over the overnight cycling with the physics people. Flagged off at 12, cycled over Nicol Highway, thereafter visited the Helix that so kindly opened during the exam period, and stopped by the flier , thereafter visited the Merlion , went passed butter factory and in the end headed out to our final pitstop at Marina Barrage. A nice place there to fly kite, and the night sea-breeze is just simply breath-taking. A good place for couples to hang out with, with little people, nice lightings and the gentle breeze to make the overall experience even more memorable. It was as if time had stood still......

Thereafter headed back to ECP and it was already 6am by then. Returned the bikes, had a mac breakfast and headed home via train. I guess the nightcycling is serving as a effect of closing the curtain of the hectic semester 2 of this year.

Sad to say, not much of plans for the holidays yet, but I am currently hoping that I will be called down for a interview of a admin temp. But still, hopes ain't high, even though the pay is extremely attractive. Shall tie up some self-admin work like tidying up my study room, and its back to spamming resumes all over again!!! ^_^

To those still out there, press on. This soldier has withdrawn from the battlefield, but that doesn't mean that your battle is over!

-out-

2010-04-24T01:48:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,

Today I went to T3 with Joel and Benji to send Colinson off the airport today, and at a same time take this opportunity to take my mind off the books to enjoy the delicacies I can find there. Upon sending him off I noticed something that somehow never crossed my mind before.

People usually at airports usually brings about a happy atmosphere, where families get together for a holiday at some paradise country; where friends meet each other after a long time to send one off at the airport; where people meet their close ones in which they just returned from a distant country. However, today I've witnessed another side of the coin.

His mum was trying hard to control her tears as she watched her son getting distant away from her as he made his move beyond those very glass panels. Reality struck me, making me realize that this very place, too, at the same time serves as a place where people say their goodbyes to each other. With the current events happening around his family, it pretty saddens me to think about how his mum is coping with her sudden situation. Perhaps a sign of consolation is that she, still has some close-knitted relatives for her to rely on while her son is overseas.

More about him. Perhaps the person who understands him the most is me, since I think I can relate myself very close to his situation. Jan babies know best how Jan babies think, since they have similar experiences and they too have similar way of thinking. Anyway, looking at the way he went beyond those very doors, jokingly and light-hearted, I can see that he had came a long way. Trying to put on a front smile in exchange for a slight consolation of his family members is definitely worthwhile. His encounters has definitely made him stronger, at least much stronger than 2 years ago when both of us graduated from JC. Perhaps its the fact that being in a foreign has helped him matured in a way. Smiling like that in such situation perhaps its something I could not have done at the present, even though it is the right thing to do. I am just not the encouraging type you see.

Looking at him, I guess I have to get stronger too, in my own way, just as he did. I still have many things to learn, many mistakes to make and to learn from. It's a path in which I still can't see the end point, but I'm definitely staying in the game, just to see where everything leads to.

-out-

2010-04-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

Exams period indeed stresses one alot.

And things aren't exactly that well when your email started sending suspicious mails to everyone inside your contact list.

First paper will start in 2 days time. I'm getting cold feet.

Defense science isn't that good to study, after all. With bombardments of jargons from chemistry and bio, my brain isn't digesting these information at all.

Part of the blame lies in the fact that I haven't been training the part of the brain which we use to memorize things for...lets say 4 years. Physics doesn't need memory work you see.

Anyway, shall get some sleep early. Sleeping late a few days before your papers isn't that good for your performance on the actual day.

To those out there still struggling-- Press on, remain calm, and persevere!! Good luck!!

-out, off to bed early ^_^ -

2010-04-12T23:04:00.002+08:00

Previous post was a bit sentimental, but really couldn't help it. Almost everyone was shocked when they heard about the news, but it was rather sudden.

I definitely hope this is the end of discussion for this topic for me, for it doesn't really feel right morally to keep on discussing about it.

Move forward.

Anyway, I've came to a sudden realization that my first paper starts in exactly 10 day's time. So much for keeping track of time. T_T

And the onion head craze came at a bad time I suppose. Thanks to HM and benji who kept tempting me to find more onion head pics T_T

After this semester I will be a year 3 student inside my transcript. No, it ain't any system errors. But that doesn't mean that I will be graduating faster than the others too, since I ain't in the ABP programme.

I'll see how things go. For now, focus on the papers at hand!!

-out-

2010-04-10T00:07:00.003+08:00

树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在.

Suddenly I feel that this sentence just makes so much sense.

Even though sometimes people do know to cherish those around him, but no matter how much one cherishes the other it will never be enough. For once gone, it's forever gone.

People usually work hard to be successful in their careers and studies, and in the process usually they will take their parents for granted, finding them as a nuisance because most of the time they do not understand what you are doing and thus couldn't help whatever you are doing. Some will even became a hindrance to your progress at times.

No matter how detestable one's family member may be, after all, blood is thicker than water. Even though one may grumble about how the family responsibilities are weighing one down; how vexing they can get--- When they are gone, no one will be doing the same to you again, and then you will think back that these acts that you complained about, are actually the small and little bits of ways they can express their love and concern for you, and then you ponder upon what you would have done to get abit more of their love.

How long has it been that one has ever told their parents this:" Mum, Dad, I love you. Thank you for everything." What good does it do to only say this only when they are gone? To ease your conscience? Oh please.

Cherish this chance to say how much you love your parents; how much you love your siblings; how much you love your dear ones; for once they are gone, you will never have the chance to tell them this ever again.

--树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在--

When it is the time the trees wanted to stop swaying, the wind just keeps on blowing.

When it is the time the child wants to fulfill his responsibility as a child, his parents just isn't there anymore.

One of my best friend's parent whom I've seen just months ago suddenly passed away. And since my character is similar to his, somehow I can understand the scenario in which as if the whole world came crashing down on him.

I ain't good with condolence, so I don't really know what to say to comfort people. But I'll try my best to do whatever I can.

-out-

" Be strong, for there are still those in the world who still needs you for support. Don't worry though, for we will be always there for you"

2010-04-08T00:05:00.002+08:00

I think my mugging engine finally started revving and roaring loudly. It's about time it got started anyway.

Sometimes I just couldn't stand lectures teaching so slow. I mean, why some of them simply couldn't let the load towards the end of the semester be relatively light? Lack of planning at the beginning of the semester simply means rushing like a bull in Chinatown and cramped everything towards the end of the semester. Last 2 lectures are meant for revision, not last minute inputs.

However, on the bright side, this phenomenon has stimulated me to go ahead of what the lecturer has finished thus far. So as to say, I've pretty much finished the whole syllabus in which supposed to be taught. All thanks to my last-minute compiled maths textbook. ^_^

With exams around the corner, I guess I will be leaving this blog vacant for some time, unless something unpleasant struck me(which I definitely hope not...)

Presentation for HW is due this week. I'm getting nervous. But oh well, its a pass fail, and perhaps this is the best consolation I will have for this semester ^_^

Oh ya, last but not least, before I forget....

To all who are reading this: Good luck for your exams, its just a couple of dozen of days left to freedom, so endure, and press on!! Focus with your tasks at hand too!! ^_^

-out-

2010-04-05T18:13:00.002+08:00

K taking a breather here.

Now in a semi-conscious state, in which using half of what is left in typing, while the other half that was supposedly used for studying already shutting down.

Does that mean that I can go away scott-free in babbling about sensitive things......nah I guess not. I'm shagged, not drunk.

Putting jokes aside, now isn't the correct time to be messing around with the flu bug, but oh well somehow it has taken a liking to me, so I think I'll be stuck with it for a while. Taking my current condition and the cooling weather into account it ain't exactly the ideal weather to study.(Somehow sleeping seems to be a much better thing to do).

Anyway, the paper today didn't exactly go well as planned. Oh well, somehow I did "spotted" the questions but I gave the tougher of the 2 a miss since it was a final term paper question...and I had faith that such difficult questions would not come out in mid term exams. Turns out that I was wrong.

Of course I was disheartened for a moment, and googled for the solution and nearly banged my head on the table, thinking why I didn't think of that. (internet sure makes answers more available than you think ).

Putting that aside I think I'll need to re-org and focus on other modules as well. Take this as a lesson learnt.

I am so screwed up for my defence science. T_T

-out-

2010-04-04T21:48:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow I will be taking another one of Ah Sum's test.

Somehow I'm being left at home today while the rest of my family enjoys themselves at town. It's been a long time since this happened. Since usually I will be the one with the most amount of time and nothing to do all day =D

Oh well, at least I think I m prepared for the test tomorrow. But still I am pretty sick now, a bit delirious here.....and thinking somethings too much again. If I can't straighten my thoughts, I guess it's going to be a poof for tomorrow. T_T

Mr. Bean postcards have ran out, and I've only collected 4 out of 10. Sigh.

-out-

2010-04-03T10:54:00.002+08:00

It seems that I have some time to settle my sleep debts after all =D

Anyway things have gone pretty busy for the past 2 days. With assignments due, and another mid term test coming, one somehow is being compelled to stay focus with the task at hand. But miraculously I manage to squeeze some time out for entertainment. For instance, the Good Friday yesterday was spent having a game of basketball in the morning; mugging session in school in the afternoon and a late night supper at swensens at Holland V. Spending such a day is definitely meaningful (oh well at least for me), but in the long run it will definitely be heavy on my pockets as well. Which is why I'm pretty contented having such instances once in a while =P

Anyway, thinking back, as we embarked into the month of April, the past months I've spent is surprisingly happy, which is actually comparable to that which I've spent during my JC days. Yet somehow I can forsee that phenomenon is going to shift once again, with the exams coming as a triggering catalyst, as well as other factors as well. But no matter what the circumstances, I think that as long as one believes, winter can becomes spring.

Also, went to attend Grace's dance concert upon invitation by David. Apparently its free, and he wanted us to go there to show support for his gf. And bean also brought along his gf too to. So in 1 night I witnessed 2 of my close friend's gf. Even though it's only for a brief moment, but it's quite enough for a generic impression on both of them. Oh well, somehow I feel that it was the fact that I brought QianXin to Toinh's concert that triggered the trend of bringing gfs to such events. And David and Joyce kept asking about her yesterday. Hahaz. But the overall feelings is nice--being able to see the future DaSaos for the first time~~ ^_^

Oh well, heading to school again for intensive physics discussions later. After that heading for dinner at Dean's Cafe. It ain't high class, but the food is definitely nice. =D

-out-

2010-03-31T00:10:00.002+08:00

Had the most tiring day in ages.

Not to mention with only 3 hours of sleep, stayed in school the whole day till 6 in the evening and when for the science run around the ntu campus. Clocked 5.2km which is one of the furtherest distances I've ran for quite some time.

Now i desperately need my sleep, yet its already past 12 midnight. And the good thing is I am not even studying for my modules. ~_~

I've decided that I am not going to use my S/U options for this sem, even thought I am taking 23Aus this sem. I guess I am going to view this as a challenge, where I make it, or I break it. Hopefully everything turns out well. =D

-out-

Everything happens for a reason. At least, that is what physicists believed in, and its their job to discover that reason.

2010-03-30T04:20:00.002+08:00

I can't believe its 420am in the morning. ~_~

Wanted to get some shut-eye at 1am in preparation for tomorrow's tutorial. Oh well, but there is some sort of uncertainty within that kept me tossing and turning. Perhaps it's just butterflies in the stomach. In then end continued doing my unfinished report and finally got it done =D.

Movies are a great way to destress, especially during the period whereby tough times lie ahead. Watched How to Train A Dragon, 3D. This was the very first movie that I watched in 3D. And I was so "lucky" to get a 3D glasses that are spoilt, in the sense that you can only see shades of green and red but not the 3D effects. Had to change to another pair at the introduction, which is pretty troublesome for me =(.

Anyway, I would rate the movies 4.5 out of 5. Great story line, superb graphics, with a fine touch towards the end which I liked and that makes it so different from other typical happy-ever-after movies. And that little touch was more suited than any other gimmicks that would have been used, but I guess not may people are able to see that =D.

Next week-- Clash of the titans, 3D. Times may be tough, but still we need to make room for entertainment ^_^

Just let me procrastinate a while more k? =P

-out-

2010-03-27T22:40:00.002+08:00

Was kinda restless today, and it wasn't exactly the mood for studying either.

With a mahjong session going in the house, it wasn't exactly the right atmosphere for studying.

But anyway, from another point of view it is the time for me to take a break. When you are thinking of doing triple integrations and solving differential equations in your dreams during afternoon naps it's just a red light signalling of overwork syndrome.

I wonder was it fate that usually nice movies are aired when it is near the exam period. Hmm, or was it that that because of exam stress almost all movies seemed like a nice movie to me? Whatever way it is, that doesn't change the fact that I really crave for movies during this period of time. Hope to catch dragon this coming week, since I was pretty captivated by it watching the making of this movie on Channel 5 today.

Going to have a early night. But I can forsee that I will be too restless to get some sleep.

-out-

2010-03-26T00:01:00.003+08:00

*plop*.

Been pretty busy, with all the revision, and assignments and reports, and not to mention fb-ing as well.

Each passing day only allows me to see clearer what differentiates between a science student, a business student, and an engineering student.

A science student goes for depth, and watches things around with the mentality that everything occurs for a reason, and that reason is for fate to know and for them to find out. In other words, they have the mentality such that almost everything in the world can become a problem to them. Such as why is the sky blue and the sea green. It doesn't matter whether they manage to solve in the end. It's the process that really keeps them interested and intrigued.

A engineering student want to makes thing happen, and when a problem surface in front of them they will solve it mechanically in whatever means they know, be it in an ingenious way or using mechanical methods. The process doesn't matter, what matters is that the thing is done.

Business students is somewhat similar to an engineering student, only difference is that not only their goal is to get things done, their methodology most likely involves in utilizing other people, in the form of networking skills they have established, or utilizing money to get what they want. It's uncommon for them to really get their hands dirty to do the rough work.

So in a simple question of how to stop a ball, this will be the reaction of the following people is as such:

Q: How to stop a rolling ball?

Engineering student:

Erm. I can install a wall or a form of stopper to stop the motion of the ball in a given direction. To prevent it from bouncing the material used should be those that can absorb impacts. Hence once the ball is impacted on the surface it will come to a stop.

Science student:

On a molecular level? The molecules on the ball may still contain energy to be able to vibrate around fixed positions, even it is physically stopped. Thus we should use cooling lasers to reduce the temperatures of the molecules of the ball such that the energetics of the ball is reduced, and the vibrations around fixed positions is minimized to a negligible extent. That is the best we can do at the current technology given.

Hmm. Or alternative method would be throwing it into liquid nitrogen. Wonder what will it become?

Business student:

I will spend money to hire engineers and scientists to help me to solve the problem =D.

-out-

Bonds are forged in a miraculous way. One such way, is to forgive, and to be forgiven. -Hayate Combat Butler

2010-03-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

Somehow suddenly lost the momentum to start mugging.

Anyway, a sudden realization that there are 30 more days to my first paper.

But I am glad that all will end before labour day, which is a good thing.

I think its time for me to start sending resumes for part-time jobs. HW111A is to be exploited for uses as such!! ^_^

Anyway, read Eileen's recent entry. Somehow things had gone pretty well for her. I'm glad =D.

Sometimes I really do envy people who are in relationships. But oh well, each has its pros and cons, and so I ain't gonna complain much.

I mean, people has each other to rely on, but oh but I guess for me that is something unachievable. So I shall enjoy every ounce of freedom I can get being single, without any ropes tying me down =D.

Anyway, pre-exams periods usually is the time when the whole world seem to be crashing down upon oneself. Remember to breathe, and think of only your goals at least for the next month. This is what I tell myself . Post exam effects may be rather disastrous....but oh well at least you did your best ^_^.

-out-

2010-03-21T22:23:00.002+08:00

Ever wondered how 2 people who can be very good friends ended up just like mere acquaintances?

Was reading Hayate Combat Butler when this thought suddenly struck me. Quite a nice comic actually, especially when Athena comes into the plot.

Anyway, enough of such stuffs. Went to eat Irwin's Cz Char at Zion Rd. Nice place, except for quite a lot of people, but oh well the crabs are really nice and damn cheap. The fishes there is even more expensive than the crabs. The salted egg crab was simply omg. Haha ^_^

Oh well, it's basically these types of things that end up brighten up your day. I mean, enjoying the night breeze(especially such a cold weather =D), letting your hair down, think of nothing except the delicious food that awaits you. These are the things that can keep my morale high.

Time passes so fast and soon we are embarking into the month of April, where war really begins. Apparently I've recovered from the burn-out syndrome, so I really hope that I can last through this upcoming month without burning out again.

2nd mid term test, coming up in 14 days time. 16 Chapters, 2 chapter per day. Wonder whether I could make it.

-out-

2010-03-21T01:58:00.002+08:00

It's kinda scary when you notice your skin starts to peel off when you are mugging in your room.

How can someone get sunburn while one doesn't really have the opportunity to enjoy the sun for the past 6 days?

Must be the basketball last week.

Anyway, 4 more tutorials, 3 more reports, 1 more assignment. And I can basically start to skip all my remaining lessons for the whole semester. It's almost as if I can taste the sweetness of freedom.

Decided not to take special semester. Makes me wonder what I want to do during my holidays.

I am too darn tired. Never stayed up so late for quite some time. I guess I'm concussing soon.

-out-

2010-03-18T23:37:00.002+08:00

Have been turning in late nowadays.

These few days seemed pretty busy, since I have been rushing assignments and reports and tutorials as well. Trying to clear all the remaining tutorials for whole of this sem, since I reckon I will need a lot alot of time and concentration for revision. 2 more reports, a dozen more tutorials and 1 more assignment and I'm good to go for revision. Seems quite a lot. But hope I can finish all of these in a week or 2.

This past week has been a roller-coaster ride, from all time high to all time low. As usual my exam marks aren't up to the bar yet, but I guess I won't be S/U-ing any modules this sem. Which means it's time to double up the efforts.

Deadline for applying special sem 1 is over, and I guess I will by vying for Special Sem II instead. It's been a long time since I talked to Ash, but she seemed to be discouraging me from taking special sem. Oh well, I'll probably see how this goes.

Felt like catching a movie these few days. Clash of the titans seem a pretty good movie. Wanted to watch Alice in Wonderland, Nodame Cantabile, Avatar, lightning thief. I wonder how man y of them I can digest after the exams. Provided that they are still airing in the cinemas, that is.

Mum showed me a newspaper article, saying that rabbits this year has very good blossom luck. I wonder =)

-out-

2010-03-16T23:35:00.003+08:00

I think blogging really has become a part and parcel of my life. I mean, looking around, people of my age. Not many people update their blogs now and then. Not many really keeps their blogs as active as mine. For me, my guess is that this has become a place for me to note, reflect and ponder about daily random ideas that somehow "popped" into my mind or inspiration from the fb/msn statuses of others. That is why looking back my entries are sort of random. Hahaz.

Oh well, perhaps people of my age nowadays are going through a phase of their lives in which they find it pretty personal in which they find it invasive for others to read. Some, just let their blogs to become a place full of grievances where they kept dumping negative thoughts at there(what I used to do =D). While some, just wanted to show everyone around them how beautiful their current phase of life is, together with their loved ones, and sharing every bits of happiness to those around them.

Oh well, that's that. Anyway, recently I've stopped staying around in school till late hours till it's necessary. Somehow unknowingly home has become a place more conducive to study than at home. A nice little corner here can magically make things accomplished within weeks to be done in days. And furthermore, I guess a 8 to 5 job really isn't my cup of tea either ~_~ lol.

Anyway, recently been thinking of going overseas for destress. Results ain't exactly as good as expected, with 1 paper getting less than 25%. Oh well, it's time for reflection and see what can be done to salvage the situation once more. ^_^

-out-

2010-03-15T23:29:00.002+08:00

It's a amazing how one sms can really spoil the rest of your day.

I mean, fancy telling you that you have ops manning in September, which is only 3 months after your ICT training. My guess is that next semester isn't going to be as smooth sailing as I thought it would be.

The curse of the frog legs. ZZz.

Even though we will receive the letter sooner or later, but it's kinda intriguing that all the bad things somehow fall upon you at the same time.

But anyway, ICT actually ain't all that bad. My lecturer is down for ICT in 2 weeks time, which means e-lecture ftw!!! Haha.

Each passing day I felt being more like a maths major student than a physics major student. Even though it's all inter-related, but still, covering a curriculum in which will take a math major student 2 years to clear within 1 sem in 2 separate modules is a bit of a overkill. And I just noticed that we have not learnt single variable calculus before started learning multi-variable calculus. Math, math. It can be so depressing.

Nah, I guess it's so much for today. Bean said that the video posted previously cannot be opened. Shall make a new one when I have the time =D. Perhaps this time with HM's piano. The sound quality is so much nicer than my own one. =D

-out-

2010-03-14T23:02:00.002+08:00

Thanks to the downpour today, I start to have running nose. It's kinda irritating when you are rushing your report, and momentum starts building up gradually and all it takes is a sneeze to destroy the momentum you finally built up. Zzz.

Anyway, I need to be more careful with my choice of words. Since I discovered that this blog will appear after typing some key words in google. Since I do not want to be caught for doing the wrong thing, my best bet is to be more discrete when bad-mouthing a particular organization, institution or even a person =D. But I really do that rarely nowadays. But oh well, that that may come hahaz.

Anyway, previous entry talked about thinking of changing institutions. After a careful thought I guess my best choice now is to continue with what I am doing. As for what I am going to do in the future, finally I have an rough idea, but still realizing it it's gonna be pretty hard. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gain. =D

I noticed that typing reports really greatly improved your typing speed, especially when you are desperately trying to rush a report out. Finished a report with a total of 7 hours, with a total of 3000 words, and it's supposed to be a report 6 pages long in which somehow ended up 14 pages long, inclusive of all the graphs and everything.

But every reports actually contains the pride of a student, since every report can be considered as the fruit you bear with every ounce of your effort, sweat, tears, heart and soul. Such sense of gratification you get, it's hard to describe. =D

School's starting tomorrow again. I guess it's Monday blues eh?

-out-

2010-03-13T21:37:00.002+08:00

Double posting in the same day. Not exactly the thing that I wanted, but still. Sigh.

But anyway went to re-read the previous entry. Was thinking that perhaps I'm just over-reacting a little, and I am just angry with myself.

Have been a lonely Saturday, or else most likely I won't be typing down here.

Suddenly had the sudden realization regarding a particular matter. Actually it was my mum who actually highlighted this point to me when I was having dinner alone at home.

" Har? Your exam finish le, never go out with your friend ha?"

.........

I've actually never think about this actually. I mean, it's not the end of term paper. But still as time goes by at night somehow a shadow of loneliness somehow crept upon me. However, the glad thing is that it's not to the extent whereby I'm actually emoing in one corner.

But good news is that ironically it is at such times I find myself at peace when I burrow into my books. I mean, busily thinking of how to do double integration should be occupying a large portion of my mind rather than leaving it untamed thinking things that will further aggravate my loneliness.

I'm actually thinking of changing institution. Following my mind, or following my heart? I guess I have to decide soon, before this semester ends.

-out-

2010-03-13T13:52:00.002+08:00

Back from the exam. Shan't say I did very well, but that is something not in my mind now.

I just noticed that I couldn't really sleep well last night worrying over something stupid. Something that I really shouldn't worry about since it is really something none of my business.

Enough. Is simply enough. It just made me feel like an idiot.

-out-

2010-03-12T18:30:00.002+08:00

Yay. Friday is finally here. But not exactly that happy since I do have a test tomorrow.

Who in the right mind will set a test paper on a open house day???

Oh well, that's that.

Anyway, is it me, or does the gloomy spell lingers around the school campus for the past week?

Oh well, sure, it's the post-recess blues, and not to mention the horrendous mid terms as well.

I'm pretty sure that the negative atmosphere will soon be dispelled. I think. Erm. maybe. Haha.

Some thoughts went through my mind. Seeing people troubled doesn't really light up my day at all. I guess that was what the impression I give to people when people find me emo. But let's not diverge the topic here. Erm what I mean is that in the past usually I will walk up to the person and just trying to sound what is wrong etc etc. But now I find that I am not doing such things anymore.

Oh well, my guess is-- I can't really go off counselling people as if I am anyone close to them. Even as much as I feel like. Since ultimately I am, still , out of the person's life. Who am I to interfere? Who am I to poke into other people's business?

Besides, I myself isn't sure what is right and wrong anymore. My life's in a mess, so in what position do I qualify to be able to give other people helpful advices? You know what people usually say, mind yourself first before minding others.

But, I do know this much. No matter what, I still can be a listening ear. A shoulder to lean on. A punching bag(eh, but if can preferably not ~_~). I mean, ultimately, if even as a friend I could not do this much, then it's a bit sad right?

Oh well, enough of all this. Need to find a way to shake off the post-exam blues. Rawr.

-out-

2010-03-11T17:16:00.002+08:00

Finally it's thursday.

A long day had passed, and really it just makes me ponder on some things.

Somehow even though its the 3 tests on the same day, things really aren't exciting as I initially thought it would be. Sure I did not perform well on all the 3 tests, but somehow I did not feel the disappointment that I thought I would get, or rather I would get in the past. Is it that I can get back on my feet faster than I thought I would? Nah, somehow that doesn't seem to be the case.

Perhaps a possible explanation is the general attitude I have towards the studying style I'm currently adopting. Spotting questions, studying smart rather than hard; taking my time to do tutorials till the cow comes home--all these are what people do, promises results if you do it right. Yet for me, doing all this---the sense of triumph and disappointment seems to have vanished elsewhere.

I mean, putting in hard work and savoring the sense of gratification is one of the major enjoyments in life. Yet I couldn't ever feel this sensation anymore.

Oh well, on the brighter side, the counter-argument to this is that if you have not done well, then you will not feel sad since you will know inside that you have not put in any effort in the subject.

休息，是为了走更远的路。

emo，是为了分析已走过的路。^_^

-out-

2010-03-10T23:16:00.002+08:00

Recently there has been lots of internships booths around in campus. Perhaps it is because it is near the end of the semester, where another batch of seniors are about to graduate.

Just food for thought. With such a bad economy outside, to what extent do we still have the luxury to choose the job that we want? Since young people has been always yapping about " choosing what you want, what your interests lie in etc etc". But really now, are the choices ultimately ours?

This thought just suddenly occurred to me: It is not you choosing the job, but rather could it be that the company is choosing you? It's basically perhaps just related by the supply and demand thingy, but oh well, if the company is the one choosing who to employ, then what is the thing that I have to offer to the company?

At the moment I can't really think of anything. Which is a sign that I need to start working on that portfolio of mine. T_T

3 years. Is is enough time for me? I'll try.

-out-

If love is also this case, then what do I have to offer then?

2010-03-09T23:28:00.002+08:00

I feel like I've done my best with the limited time I have.

Even though usually people said that what important most is that you have given it your all, but too bad it is not a fairytale that we are in. I hate to admit it, but results may be the most prominent thing that the harsh reality looks out for.

And to those who are unable to produce-- just gets eliminated to a lower hierarchy through the law of the survival of the fittest.

But on the other hand, from another perspective, this system indeed still has an effect on constantly compelling us to break the barriers that we limit ourselves to. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. Perhaps in the cruel world this may be the only condolences one can give oneself.

Yet if we had accomplished something good, be generous enough to give yourself a pat on the shoulder for a job well done!

Oh well, so much for trying to motivate myself for typing. ^_^

Struggling to survive, perhaps is the thing that makes schooling so fun and memorable.

-out-

Gambatte ^_^

2010-03-08T00:10:00.002+08:00

Had a fun way to let my recess week come to an end.

Went to Toinh's guitar concert with QianXin and HM and gang. ^_^ Oh well, it's kinda long story, but at the end of the show she seemed to enjoy the show pretty much, which is something good ^_^ , since David and Hm found the show generally boring.

Overall the concert is pretty successful considering the fact that some of them are beginners and lack stage experience. A few hiccups here and there but most importantly, the show proceeded on rather fluently and it beautifully expressed how different types of guitars can be blended in with different genres of songs.

Since she was tired I sent her back to hall 10 from UCC and then joined the rest back at the cheese prata shop to have my dinner.

A interesting way to end my recess week, and when school reopens I guess it's time to put a 101% in the issues in front of me. Other things can wait for now. At least after this week. ^_^

-out-

2010-03-07T00:10:00.002+08:00

Today was simply awesome ^_^

Met up with long lost friends from nhco, and talked about so many things. Having fun trying to remember/recall all their names, and luckily I am not the worst yet, since I forgot the names of only 4 out of the 20+ present. Considering the fact I ain't exactly the sociable type back in the days and also my job then doesn't really give me the chance to associate myself with people, that seems to be a pretty good score ^_^

But overall atmosphere is still quite good, since the chatting seems almost non-stop(except for the part where people start eating, can't expect them possibly to eat with their mouths full -.-)

I think I was speaking a little loud, but I guess that's all needed to be done to spice up the atmosphere a bit so as to make everyone comfortable, as well as not to let them feel neglected in any sense, and also to break the ice all over again to alleviate the sense of awkwardness. All these is what gatherings are all about-- to catch up, to feel being part of the group once again ^_^. Therefore the gathering today is simply awesome.

Perhaps its the burnout syndrome, but towards the end where everyone are having Haagen Diaz ice-cream I seemed to be a little zoned-out, stoning there where everyone joys over their ice-cream. Perhaps it's the fatigue coming after such a long day. Oh well, but luckily, all's well, ends well ^_^.

Should have such gathering more often. To catch up old times. To forge new bonds. To ensure your network of friends still is within range .

-out-

Tired. Phew~ =.=''

2010-03-05T23:08:00.002+08:00

Usually I will be glad that finally its Friday, but I guess not this particular Friday.

Tomorrow will be having quite a busy schedule, having to go Marina in the morning and then coming home to finish up my Linear Al, and then in the evening proceed to Holland V for gathering.

2 days of holidays left, 3 modules to go. I wonder. And I have to attend Toinh's concert on Sunday evening as well. I am pretty curious on how will things go on Sunday, but let's not talk about it too much until the day comes. ^_^

Still thinking about what to minor in. Any suggestions?? ~_~

-out-

Do you still remember the dreams you once fought for?

In this hectic world, does one even still dare to dream?

I do.

2010-03-04T23:35:00.003+08:00

In the end I have to go all alone T_T

Oh well but that was something within expectation, so in a sense I was mentally prepared. Not that I'm really sad that I'm going alone, but its just that I feel a bit uncomfortable going there alone, since it's actually the first time I'm going to such an occasion. A few friends will be helpful, cause 3 blind mice will always be better than one, but oh well this blind mice has to go solo this time. ^_^ It's a facet of life I'll have to embrace eventually, so why don't make it now? As I've said before, nothing's going to be done if one stay in his original position. To know whether it's a right or wrong move, one has to move first in order to know. ^_^

Enough said about that. Mugging session has been less progressive than expected, since the content difficulty is rather high for a particular module. And with something on on a Saturday, it's gonna be pretty hard for me to plan what to do with my remaining time. A more precise planning has to be done.

But anyway after being cooped up in my room for 2 consecutive days finally take a spin around Jurong Point for a breather, and shopped for some things as well. Spent around 2 hours there, and it's back to mugging again.

Somehow this recess week I guess it's more of a study week to everyone. Oh well, whoever is reading this I wish them good luck for their exams!~ ^_^

-out-

2010-03-03T12:27:00.002+08:00

Stumbled across a particular article(s) that surely lighten up my day =D

Can't elaborate much here, but then its about something good to know. ^_^

Anyway, decided to work at home today since I find that studying in school may not be as conducive as I thought it would be. But the bad thing is that it's already 12 noon and I am still practically typing this entry T_T

But linear algebra is definitely a best sleep-inducing tool I've known so far. Visualizing multi-dimensions is not my forte exactly(especially I already have difficulty in visualizing 3-D objects back in secondary school =.=''). And not to mention the Gaussian elimination is such a killer. And oh ya, I still duno how to use the GC to help me solve e matrices. Sigh~

I guess as the mid-terms are nearer around the corner somehow I am more able to get my mind in the game. Hmm...I wonder.

K enough procrastinating, its time to hit the books!

-out-

2010-03-01T10:52:00.002+08:00

Yesterday unofficially marks the end of my recess week. And today unofficially marks the start of my studying week.

Currently blogging in school, just let me procrastinate a while longer =P.

And I just discovered that I have tonnes of things to catch up.

Morning headed out to gym for a great morning workout. Somehow I feel that my brain is processing a bit faster, but on the contrary I feel a bit lethargic? Good or bad? I'm not sure.

I think for the whole of this week most probably I will be heading to school to study. Too much temptations at home. The TV, the sofa, the CNY leftover snacks and last but not least--- my bed.

Study with Blazing youth, march forth!! ^_^

Persevere through this week is all I need =P

-out-

2010-02-28T14:51:00.002+08:00

Fluctuating emotions finally have eased down a bit.

Quite an interesting day yesterday. Supposed to meet Benji at JE library to study but in the end I had difficulty finding a carpark. Wanted to do a illegal parking there but then came 2 angels in white on bikes with a PDA in their hands. Went to the multistory carpark but there was a major jam. And worse still a car bumped onto my vehicle from my back. First time I had an accident over here. And nope its not my fault. Had a discussion over at the side when went in. Since there weren't any major signs of damages(not like my car bumper dropped or anything) I did not really demand for any forms of compensation. And got scolded by my mum for being too kind. Oh well. Thereafter can't turn into the carpark as expected since too many vehicles. Decided to park opposite HM's house and walk to the library.

And the #$#$#@ summon people have to come after I've finished parking my car. Which means I need to put my coupon on the dot.

But anyway me and Benji went to JP thereafter to de-stress a bit. And the shirt I wanted still cost $55. Hey, it's after CNY, so why can't you have some promotion during the post-peak period?

Bought some snacks and headed to NTU to study, since he wanted to find some place that is really quiet+got aircon. And we are also in the area as well. Studied until 8+ and sent him home.

Tiring day, yet pretty interesting. At least,my mood has somehow settled down because of this. I can feel the mugging atmosphere coming back to me. ^_^

-out-

2010-02-26T23:39:00.003+08:00

Today's entry will be a bit emo-ing.

Anyway, was feeling a bit down nowadays. I mean, no matter how much the workload is, the stress level is something which I can finally accustomed myself to( but not necessary mean that I am successfully load-free for now). And when that happens things can certainly get pretty mundane. I mean, having such a cyclic schedule can't really serves as a motivation to keep on studying. I would prefer to have a hectic schedule than a boring schedule. At least it keeps my mind off certain things. I'll be needing a listening ear soon I think, but I prefer not to if I can. With NUS having mid terms + NTU mid-terms coming soon + considering some people's "extra curriculum" I would feel rather guilty imposing on others.

Have to reconsider the 8 to 5 5 day work week proposal.

Having sore muscles after running on the machine for around half and hour. Serves as a great excuse for me not to loiter around and stay home for revision. But at least such intensity is a great way for me to momentarily forget my troubles ^_^.

I just noticed that I am not sighing as much as before(except my last fb notification). Am I being more optimistic? I duno. But I hope that is a good thing. Maybe. Just maybe. ^_^

-out-

2010-02-24T20:12:00.003+08:00

A comic strip just to lighten up the day. Can be found on my facebook as well. Taken from Roger's photo.

Basically its just means that how each disciplines are related to each other, which is pretty true. Except for the fact that maths people are "out of the world".

Still I couldn't see the difference between sociologists and psychologists. But nevermind. ^_^

Anyway, was walking towards LT1A when saw a lot of people I know off. Zhisen, Johnathan, then Glenn and Ruoning, and after that Anson, followed by Stef. Oh well, didn't know whether they noticed me or not, since I practically brushed past them since I was late for lecture. And still a bit weird to say hi out verbally since you can't really stop by and catch up when you are in a rush. (Except for Glenn and Ruoning still in the world of their own =.='')

But basically that amount far exceeds the people I've met for a month. Which makes me wonder. Am I actually spending too much time holing up in the SPMS building?

Work has indeed been piling up no matter how much I tried clearing them. Glad to say that submission of reports will resume after recess week, but on the other hand revision had to start soon since all the tests are on the same day. I can already forsee how am I going to spend my recess week.

But anyway back to the quesiton-- Basically the resource room is quite a good place for active discussions of tutorials and reports. This is especially helpful when all individual tutorials need to hand in and they are graded before the tutors actually go through them. And 5 questions can easily take up 10 hours of your time.

But still I prefer integration more than linear algebra.

I am digressing again. But ya. Even though discussions are conducive, it can be pretty noisy at times. But if I were to shift my place to the canteen, its gonna be quite warm and also it's quite hard to concentrate with all the people walking around, and also with all the fooood around as well T_T.

I should take a breather at Can B more frequently. So that I can finally meet up with more people that I know of.

^_^

-out-

2010-02-22T21:16:00.002+08:00

When six songs collide. ^_^

When 3 mid-terms collide T_T

Workload is all time high I would say, especially during the pre-recess week. It's time to take a lead, rather than desperately clearing all the workloads. To the true spirit of Guardsman: When the going gets tough, the tough gets going ^_^

Oh well, after some long peaceful considerations I think I've finally come to a common consensus between my mind and the heart. To quote from a close friend of mine: "Finally the heart and the mind strums the same beat". (But i guess for his case is his mind gave in and followed his heart =P)

I hope my heart will stay firm to this decision, because it is so hard for my mind to finally persuade my heart to be so. ^_^

With this in mind, I guess finally I can wholeheartedly fork out 100% of my energy in my work. ^_^

To all who are reading this: Happy recess week, good luck for your mid-terms, and remember to say hi to me if you see me around in school, since it's gonna be quite hard to catch me around unless I' m out to take a breather!~ =D

Erm. For NUS students. Jiayous for your mid-terms too!~ ^_^

2010-02-21T23:05:00.002+08:00

OMG. I have to look into youtube to learn maths. Seriously lagging behind in Linear Algebra. Since I have no idea what the lecturer is teaching, but yet he's a nice guy la. So cannot be so bad to him. So must really put in effort rather than S/U this module!!

But anyway, suddenly I realize that somehow gradually I have lost confidence in life. Has it always been this way? I don't know. And this sense of insecurity--I don't know where's its coming from.

Perhaps it's due to the fact that I fully comprehend the uncertainties in life in the future. No one can predict what is to come; we can only anticipate. However, perhaps with the path I'm currently taking, I couldn't really even anticipate what is to come.

To anticipate, we have to know what are the possible scenarios we can be in. But I do not know any of it.

To put it more explicitly, I really do not know what my course will bring me into.

Without a goal, how far can I actually go? I really don't know.

If I myself felt so insecure about my future, how can I have faith and confidence to be a support for those who needed and those I cared?

Will taking up bonds serve the purpose of securing my future? The rope can be used in both ways-- to strangle, or to secure.

I am really taking a gamble right now. And guess what. I am not good in it at all.

-out-

Whatever happens, I will need to find my confidence back prompto, before I collapse all over again.

2010-02-20T18:50:00.003+08:00

Today feel like taking a time off. After rushing off to school for make-up tutorials straight after a tuition lesson and conducting one immediately after the lesson is pretty tiring.

Had a pleasant conversation with Eileen yesterday afternoon. Was taking a breather outside the resource room when I noticed her studying at one of the sofas. Talked about quite a lot of things, and somehow it got me tempted to take up the MOE teaching award. I'll prefer to leave teaching as a safety net, but still I do hope that I can get what I wanted for.

Looking at the deadline...forget it. =.=''

Currently watching colourcloud palace, tudou is sure taking its time.

Can't wait for recess week to come!

2010-02-16T00:13:00.003+08:00

It's been some time I typed a decent entry.

Oh well, things had been rather quiet yet tiring event during the festive period.

At least I can start clocking extra hours of sleep as reserves for the upcoming challenges. ^_^

Who said that we can only have sleep debts, but we can't have sleep reserves? ^_^

But anyway, the song posted on the previous entry is by Show Luo, named 爱不单行。One of the nicest song I would say in Hai pai. Liked the lyrics and the tune a lot. =D

Anyway back to the main topic. CNY wasn't as fun as I've expected this year. I really wanted to enjoy it this year, since I missed it last year because "duty calls". Yet it's kinda mundane, and perhaps the main reason is because my parents and sister are overseas in Thailand, thus making me feel that there is something missing somehow.

Anyway, one thing glad about this time is that somehow this time I do not feel as lonely as before during valentine's day. Perhaps its this momentum of happiness I've been trying hard to accumulate that helped me skipped this porthole. Plunging into this hole can be disastrous at times. Oh well, let's just not dwell on the hole that I've just skipped =D

This may come pretty random, but recently somehow I got a rough new idea of actually some people actually reacted in such a way. Sorry for being so obscure again, but I can't really go telling this here, for this is only a theory. Or else if the line is crossed then this theory will become an assumption. Haha. But whether or not this "form of speculation" stands or its just baseless assumption, sad to say it cannot be revealed as yet. I will wait patiently for 2 or 3 more years perhaps? At least with this conviction it will allow me to stay focus on the task at hand during this period of time.

2/3 years-- its enough for one to change again. For the better or worse, I do not know. But I do know that the path for me to go...

is up. And its ain't a easy road ahead.

Therefore, in short, I shall try and refrain myself form thinking a problem that will arise a few years down the road. Since anything can happen, the problem may resolve itself automatically, therefore there is no point in wasting brain cells in pondering such things.

And thus this. Shall be my CNY resolution for this upcoming year. Hope that things go well for everyone. ^_^. Sorry for making this entry a bit dull than expected. =D

-out-

HEY! At least I not sulking about things on such a festive occasion k? =P

2010-02-10T00:10:00.005+08:00

Finally made a pretty decent video!~

Pretty nice song I would say =P

A few hiccups here and there as usual, but anyway enjoy!~ ^_^

2010-02-08T21:21:00.002+08:00

Had been doing a little reading of old entries of other people.

It's dated way back, in 2004 so it's like 6 years ago? Definitely a long way back.

It's been...let's see 4 years ago I've typed my first blog on blogspot. Due to some forseen and unforseen circumstances some entries were long lost forever =D

But the thing is that sometimes it's kinda good to keep these backlogs. There just markings of how much one has changed over the years. And for some old entries of mine I had a great time smirking how foolish I had been in the past over the years. But still one shouldn't undermine them, for after all they are still the "scars" of the past. Without those events, I reckon one would not be who they were today.

Anyway, enough of the past, more of the present.

I am glad to say that I am feeling to get into the tempo with the progress in school now. Yes, time certainly flies. Week 5, and blink blink recess week is UPON US!!!~ (soon i guess =.=)

Shall need to get back to work. Had been procrastinating for some time today already.

-out-

It's strange, how one can forget some things so simple, when trying to forget something that complicated. ^_^

2010-02-06T23:42:00.002+08:00

Had a super tiring week.

Lets see now. Somethings got blew up due to some egoistic person and had a series of chain effects thereafter. Following that head to Joyce's party at The Nova while HM went and face the most vital moment in his whole life. Luckily all's well and ends well. ^_^ Which is a major sigh of relief for him, since he was troubled ever since that morning. Now with the major roadblock somehow removed, I do hope that for him the remaining issues will resolve with ease.

Just came back from NTUCO concert. Went with Hongsheng and Deric. Can't really comment much, since my standard did dropped drastically over the 3 years. But still I think most likely I will join that ECA, most probably in year 2 when things settle down a bit? Oh well, but the good things is that I saw lots of familiar faces at Victoria Concert hall today. Which is a definitely surprise.

Somehow Colinson's flight had been brought forward before the Chinese New year. Still pondering how to send him off, since I think he's checking in at 7 but my lesson officially ends on 630 that day. Can't possibly drive there since it's the traffic congestion period. Think I'll just miss the lesson, since most likely I will be seeing lotsa stars in that particular lecture anyway.

Back to study again. I understand that lectures can put you to sleep, but reading the textbook and jotting down notes of the same module as the lecture can actually make you doze off. And fyi, it's maths related. This shows that it's neither mine nor the lecturer's fault. It's the course content's fault for being so dry. Linear Algebra, Vector spaces. Sigh~ Time for me to see multi-dimensional planes again.

-out-

2010-02-03T23:42:00.002+08:00

Somehow unknowingly I had adopted a bo-chup attitude. Wonder who did I pick it up from.

Yes and its week 4 and I am still salvaging bits and pieces over here and there. It's almost as if I am stuck in the middle of the sea, and I am swimming in all directions and land is still nowhere to be seen.

I failed to notice that there was an online quiz due last sunday and I had forgotten to complete the quiz. ouch.

Things with lotsa things to do is that there will be lots of deadlines involved. And when the workload gets pretty heavy the higher the tendency will be to push the job till its quite near the deadline. And that, is just playing with fire unknowingly.

I mean, it's always easier to think: " K I will complete this the day after, let me take my well-deserved break". And soon before you realize the sky starts to fall upon you and there you will be slogging till wee hours in the morning. And guess what, the following's day lesson starts at 830, and lack of sleep has resulted in you dozing off in classes, and then you will have an extra job of understanding what the lecturer is talking about for the past 2 hours on your own.

In short. It's just a vicious cycle.

Anyway, today I have really just reached my saturation point. The sensation was like nothing more could go in and you head feels heavy, and there seems no way that the "load" inside will be coming out. Had no choice but went to Gombak stadium for a run. Helps alot though, and indeed my efficiency of completing my job had increased by 200%. Which is really a good thing. I might explore on allocating more time to my exercise regime. Especially when the festive season is around the corner.

I can't wait for recess week to come. Hope the spare time can really salvage my dying game of tetris.

-out-

2010-02-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

Bottled feelings.

Sometimes its good to contain some feelings and keep them to yourselves, but when the bottle reaches the brim, one couldn't help but to let the feelings overflow.

There will be at times things you know it's pointless to do, yet there is an impulse there urging you to do it.

I guess that is what people call your brain tells you one thing, your heart tells you another.

But as a physics student I chose to follow what my brain tells me to do. But of course, there will be a price to pay. ^_^

Nevertheless. how I wish there will be some way for me to empty this bottle of mine. The feelings of forbidden affections gushing out is simply...tiring.

Perhaps it's just me going through a hard time.

But come to think of it, at times like this, who doesn't? =)

But I guess what's most important is that some people does bits and little things that certainly light up my day ^_^.

Week 4, 10 more weeks to go!~

February-- the month of getting fat, both physically and financially.

-out-

Most important of all, I know that I am not alone anymore ^_^

Press on!~ =D

2010-01-31T22:53:00.003+08:00

Had a fun evening yesterday. Besides wii-ing and eating the steamboat yesterday, had a bit of chit chat and chilling out. It's nice to take a breather once in a blue moon, since it's just helps you to take your mind off some things that simply you do not wish to think anymore. For instance, your tutorials T_T

But anyway, my birthday cake: ^_^

Yup, a 1kg burger with mixed flavours freshly baked in the morning by the confectionery. A little smudge on the right but oh well but still it still looks fantastic. At the very least, you definitely can't find it in MacDonalds.

Not to mention, it doesn't look like it but do not underestimate its size. It's bigger than my face, and 10 people together are having a hard time trying to finish this baby off. =D

And yup I am very grateful for my present-- a digital photoframe. I can think of so many uses for it right now ^_^

K, putting this aside:

I guess it's really time for me to be more serious towards my work. I acknowledge that I've been pretty obstinate regarding some things and hence resulting from backlogs because I need to do double job。(long story) But still when grades are involved, some things just simply couldn't go in your way.

And oh yes today finally marks the end of HaiPai. A great show I would say, rating would be a 9/10. Definitely a must watch, since it is extremely successful in evoking all sorts of feelings from its audience. Never did a show I felt so emo, and never in the same show I laughed as much =D

K, it's pretty late. Going to turn in soon. A long week ahead.

I can already feel monday blues coming. Especially when you need to stay in school to finish your report when your lessons actually end on 1230pm. Zz.

-out-

2010-01-29T22:08:00.002+08:00

Negative energy breeds more negative energy and the vicious cycle goes on.

And accumulation of negative energy = emo state.

Prolong emo state = do stupid things

Regret doing stupid things for some time = gets despair over time

Gets despair over time = do stupid things to atone for your mistake

do more stupid things to atone = finding yourself stupid doing those things

Therefore final equation:

NEGATIVE ENERGY =STUPID =D =D =D

Sometimes studying too much physics just makes you think of such weird weird stuffs yourself to spice up your day when things just somehow doesn't go your way ^_^

Sometimes just staring at the pile of work left can be indeed demoralizing, but thinking of some happy stuffs could actually dispel them momentarily. For instance, I will be happy thinking of all the food that I liked to eat ^_^

But of course actually get to eat them is still the best =P

But actually when all fails the best remedy is just to tackle it with an almighty smile =D

So. Smile!~ =D

-Calvin's very own (and new) self-inspiring philosophy ^_^-

Oh well, if I can refer to this philosophy whenever I feel down I hope it really does alleviate my woes just a little ^_^. I need all the help I can get. As well as those in which I can give myself =D

Oh, and I managed to give away the tickets for NTUCO to Darrell and XL!~ Muahha. So I am in luck I guess, after got rejected by so many people T_T

K, happy times passes fast indeed, gotta dive in the pool to continue doing my report.... / =.=''

*plops*

-out-

2010-01-29T00:07:00.003+08:00

Somehow I can understand how the hollow feeling within can devour you from within. It's kinda scary, erm just imagine you are the apple....and there is a worm crawling out from the core.

Hahaz =.=''

Anyway, what an amazing week this has been.

Besides the fact that I dream about going Swensens and other weird places with different group of people, sometimes some small small things can trigger some random thought that is totally nothing to do with that small things.

Perhaps all these are just signals about how much I can take mentally haha ^_^, or perhaps its just how a brain functions in trying to release all the steam trapped within it.

But just some random thought.

What is true strength? What is one's source of strength?

But imagine. What is the feeling if one day you've become the pillar of strength of support not only for yourself, but also for others. Will you feel glad, or will you feel that all these, are just unnecessary burden that you can't wait to get away from them?

What if role reversal takes place? There is this one person that you pin your faith on, where you receive constant encouragement from that person, and he became your pillar of support. You confide to him whenever things trouble you. How would you want him to feel about you?

This question kinda popped up when I was reading something on perspective. What are other's perspective of me?

.....

A glutton i guess?? ^_^ Hahaz.

Anyway still trying to clear my debts. Things are not progressing very well ahead of schedule, but yes Andrew is right---I need to start weighing my priorities--according to the number of AUs for each module. ^_^

K i need to grab some sleep, or else things will just go haywire tomorrow morning!!~ ^_^

-out-

2010-01-27T00:37:00.003+08:00

Have been slogging myself pretty hard these 2 days.

All work and no play makes Calvin has a running nose. And now he needs to clear his work asap in order to have time to rest!~

One report just fresh out from the oven, and tomorrow is just a beginning of an another one.

=.=''

Sometimes it's just so tiring to have a lesson early in the morning.

Anyway just got 2 tickets for NTU CO performance. Duno who to give to, since I myself isn't sure whether I will be free to go and watch. Oh well, I think I need to start finding people to give the tickets to, or perhaps there is someone out there willing to accompany this poor soul to attend the concert? haha. ^_^ I guess not.

Going to get some shut eye. Long week ahead.

-out-

Oh what? It's only week 3? ~_~

2010-01-26T00:05:00.003+08:00

It's really scary when backlogs start popping up all of a sudden without any warning. But that is when you really starts to get focus and put your heart and soul into clearing them like there's no tomorrow.

I am pretty tired having from lessons starting at 830 am and left school at around 11pm. I mean, 14 hrs in school is such an amazing experience.

I won't say that staying until so late's because I have no choice, but when sometimes when the momentum starts to roll it's so hard to stop.

Managed to clear the amount of work that usually would take me 3 or more days to do, in 8 hours. But somehow that is only 50% of my backlog cleared.

It's 12 midnight and it seems that I will need to continue clearing this week's backlog again, before the next week's one pops up again T_T

Oh ya, last friday I was bringing around a group of students around SPMS, and managed to talk to one of the teacher in charge, Apparently she was pretty young(but still older than me) and she was a physics teacher from HCI. And she keeps on psycho-ing me to become a teacher and go HCI to teach. And she keeps on saying how much she would have wanted to study physics, but instead went to study engineering which is like so boring and etc etc.....

Erm. Like I will have a chance to go HCI ^_^. Can become a JC teacher (which requires a min of 2nd upper ) is already beri de gd de le =P

Hope the reunion dinner this sat turns out a fruitful one ^_^

2010-01-21T22:01:00.002+08:00

Still trying to find the most effective way of studying.

Friday is finally coming around the corner. Staying back in school for another 3 hours and trying to complete a lab experiment that we couldn't complete in the 4 hr period is simply horrible.

And other groups seemed to have stayed back too. Seems that there are going to be pretty much experiments for me to bang my head upon for this coming semester.

Signed up for some programme to bring people around SPMS building. Oh well, I am paid, so I guess my money for notes for this sem is pretty much covered I guess =P

Sincerely hope that I can finish my lab reports by tomorrow, so that I can go for my pri sch gathering tomorrow after a decade long. Oh wait, I haven't got it started yet. T_T

I guess my 8-5 schedule plan is working great. I mean, the motivation for me to knock off on time really drives me to complete my tutorials and other assignments as well. I mean, after all outside environment is also as such, so why not get accustomed now? ^_^

But I really look forward to participate in any FOCs this year. Somehow life's pretty plain at times like this. Sigh~

-out-

2010-01-21T01:16:00.002+08:00

What a day ^_^

Have decided to adopt a 8 to 5 work day schedule, since it really effectively keeps my work in check. K perhaps not exactly 8 to 5, but rather 830 to 530, since school starts at 830 throughout the week except for tues, that starts on 930.

I mean, oh well, attend lectures, lunch break at 1230 to 130, thereafter perhaps follow by lessons. On free periods just try to finish tutorials and reports so as to avoid possible backlashes due to certain unforseen circumstances.

Has been worked out pretty well so far, and I guess I myself am able to adopt to this type of schedule gradually.

But for today I've decided to let myself go off for the evening. I realized that it isn't that good to whole up in that place in such a meaningful day. Had reached saturation point in studying anyway.

So reached home, headed for gym to urgently dissipate some of the negative energy accumulated overtime due to pressure and stress ^_^

Thereafter asked hm toinh benji and bean out to Al Amin there to have supper. It isn't exactly healthy to be eating supper @ around 10, but oh well that's the best thing you can get when you wan to go out with your friends to have a impromptu meal . Haha.

But sad enough Benji missed his last train home and thus I am compelled to send him home. But it isn't that bad, just a 10 min drive away to Yew Tee is all it takes.

Oh well, I guess that's that.

I guess when it comes to birthday, the most important thing is not the matter of whom you've received well-wishes from, or exactly how many well-wishes you've received. The most important thing whether or not the most meaningful day in your life will be spent meaningfully. For my case, I guess it did went pretty well =D =D =D

I guess it's also important for me to note down who gave their well wishes so as to be able to appropriately reciprocate the thought to them when their turn comes. I guess it's all about building good karma ^_^

Oh ya, there is tentatively one present I've received this year: A car sign supposed to put at the back of the car saying that my porsche is in the garage. Din really understand what is the desired or intended effect of putting up this sign( I guess it's for humor purposes) but nevertheless I still will treasure it. I never throw things that people give to me on my birthdays, for they don't usually happen every other year. I guess in my whole life the gifts I've received(other than just mentioned) is birthday cards, postcards from SAJC OG, a mashimaro from my younger sis a few years back, the gun model my spec friends give me, the book that Hafiz gave me and....nothing else I guess.

Perhaps the rest are gifts that I bought pampering myself, like my i-touch and my C905.

Nah, it's pretty demoralizing to talk about gifts, so I shall stop here for now.

Oh well, last but not least,

Happy birthday to me.

Happy birthday to Tiger Tee!~ (Age 12 this year, which is approximately 84 years old convert to human lifespan)

-out ^_^-

2010-01-19T21:56:00.003+08:00

I. am. SO. Tired!~ -.=

In the last semester I started staying back in school about the 10th week onwards to start revision for my papers. Its a bit early for that sem since we do not know what to expect, and as typical Singaporeans its normal to be "over-prepared" abit.

But having to stay from 830am to around 7pm for lessons and to rush tutorials is a bit overboard in just only week 2 of the semester.

Past 2 days and I've been spending approximately close to 10 hours per day in school.

Perhaps it's the overwhelming pressure I have from the excessive modules I'm currently taking.

Did I mention that my no. of AUs for this semester is officially 23?

And yes I did not take any electives this semester, except for those compulsory UEs that we need to clear as pre-requisites for our 2nd and 3rd year modules.

Tomorrow is my birthday and oh well, I will be forseeing myself slogging in the underground bunker in the SPMS building. Lets see, 1 more tutorial that needs to be handed in, and 1 more lab report to rush. Sometimes time is simply not enough.

Unless there is a kind soul out there willing to accompany me until I finish my work(which most probably won't) ? Nah, just kidding. Don't be a no lifer like me, like I have any choice ~_~

But the bunker is nice; air-con, big tables, big chairs with cushion, and with power plugs. Lotsa reference books to look at, and can always listen music from my laptop. Can't see the sky though, that's why one never fails to notice when the sky gets dark. So I can't complain much, can I? ^_^

Hope I can hurry and get used to this schedule, or else at this pace I'm going this is so going to get the toll out of me.

-out, enjoying the limited resting time-

2010-01-17T17:32:00.003+08:00

Had a pretty weird dream today. Its just something too good to be true, even though its something that can be done effortlessly. And I guess sometimes these dreams are just enough to make your conviction waiver.

Being at the present state/phase of life is that there are some things that we want to do and yet we are unable to do, for the timing for it to happen isn't here yet. It just sucks, I know.

Its just like I want to say something now, and yet it just isn't time to say such things.

But hopefully I will be able to say such things few years down the road.

-out-

2010-01-14T23:07:00.003+08:00

A tiring day.

Even though school ends in the afternoon, I've decided to head to JE library to look out for some publications together with benji. The trip wasn't that fruitful, but still manage to clear some of my tutorials over there. Surprisingly there wasn't much people in the library, or else we wouldn't be able to get such good seats at such an hour. Come to think of it, who in the right sense of mind will start going to library to mug when its only a few days after school had started? hahaz ^_^''

But anyway after reaching saturation point went to IMM for dinner along with Hm. Walked around a bit and headed out to JP to continue our de-stress session. Hm bought a cross-stitch set for Valentine's day. (Not convenient to disclose too much here) But then continue to walk a bit and finally headed home.

Somehow 4th day of school and I can already feel the building up of lactic acid inside my brain muscles. Perhaps that is what they say the burn-out syndrome. What can I say, tutorials and assignments just come round and round and round.

K shall continue to study my BJ111, hope can break the 400k score. Muahaha.

-out, bejeweling-

2010-01-13T21:47:00.002+08:00

I haven't been feeling so lethargic for quite some time.

It's been the 3rd day of school and I feel like I've just expended all my energy. I mean, the level of lethargy is almost equivalent to that I was after I took my papers last semester.

The sight of maths simply disgust me.

I mean, teaching something totally new, (gaussian elimination method) and without explaining explicitly what is it used for + lecture notes are so confusing. And the greatest them of all, is that the purpose of the lecturer there is to just read out whatever there is on the lecture notes T_T~. Sigh~ Somehow I see the need for me to overcome this psychological barrier in this critical period of time.

That's why I prefer physics over maths. I mean, it does makes a major difference between solving the calculations to get simply the answer and solving the calculations with knowing what exactly are you using that calculation for. Its like, comparison between doing things for the sake of doing, and doing things because you know what you are doing, and also what purpose does your actions/calculations serve. Hate the feeling of being led around like a blind man >_<''

But nevertheless physics aren't easy either. But sometimes one just need to face up to the challenges put before him. ^_^

Sometimes also the bad thing about having too much fun in school is that it makes me tired too easily. Enjoyable, but tiring. However, as long as I'm enjoying myself, I shouldn't complain too much ^_^

Yawn. Can't take it anymore. Have to reach school at 830 again. Yawn~ -.-

-out-

2010-01-12T23:30:00.003+08:00

I just noticed an arising problem.

Somehow I just noticed I need to clock around 14 hours of sleep a day, including the times I spend taking afternoon naps.

This isn't good at all. -.-''

Anyway, school finally had started and I guess things are getting on pretty well. I mean, besides the fact that the expected decrease in the number of people you expect to see attending the first lecture of the semester, everyone seems really excited to see each other after the break, and of course me included ^_^

But then one thing that makes me feel uncomfortable is that somehow these few days time seem to be passing by pretty slow. I mean, hey its only Tuesday! Sigh~ X_X

Yea, and to think that the spirits of integration from e past has came to haunt me back in this semester. I mean, integration by parts and special integration techniques used in solving electric field lines...!~ I am suffering from minor indigestion of knowledge.~

Oh well, I guess this semester is going to be quite a harsh one and from what I see things aren't just going simply get simpler by each semester. I guess I can only move on ^_^'' hah.

Can't wait for sunday to come. 2 more episodes!~

-out-

2010-01-11T00:04:00.002+08:00

*breathe in, breathe out*

*inhale, exhale*

Phew.

Sometimes I just find I both hate and love hai pai at the same time.

Fantastic storyline, but not suitable for a sentimental guy like me T_T

Nearly burst into tears.

*Phew~*

K back to the show~

-out-

2010-01-10T21:30:00.002+08:00

Yawn~ Still having a headache due to the lack of sleep.

Had been playing overnight mahjong over at hm house again. But I guess finally it will be one of the last few times I will be doing so, at least for the next couple of months. Lost about $ 20, but I guess, what comes around goes around right? It's almost equal to the winnings I had on the last few occasions!~ ^_^

But perhaps a bad hand this time serves as a premonition of what is to come--Perhaps it serves as a sign for me to finally settle down and actually focus on the pressing issues at hand--seriously. To study--what else?

Thereafter played bridge from 5 till 7 am. Not too bad an experience after not playing for quite some time but this is the first time I've played bridge till all the 4 of us were laughing non-stop.

Back to my story--met up with Haining and Colin and had Ding Tai Fung for lunch. Even though I curse and swear about it most of the time but I guess it doesn't hurt to try it once in a while. Except for the XLBs the rest that we ordered are quite ok. Not that the XLBs are not nice, but it's just that they can become a nightmare after you've been through eating 40 of them straight just a few days ago T_T

Enough with the food--we had some interesting conversations that are somehow random to the maximum. But somehow this conversation lasted us for 4 hours straight. Pretty impressive eh? ^_^

Back at home trying to continue by beauty sleep in preparation for the 4 hr lecture marathon on monday, but somehow the XLBs are stirring up a storm in my gut. Felt extremely uncomfortable for a moment there -_-.....

15 more minutes to Hai Pai!~ Simply can't wait for ep 11 ^_^

2010-01-09T00:46:00.002+08:00

2 more days and the holidays are coming to an end .

People are frantically playing more and more plants vs zombies; organizing more meetups, going Zouk, spending time going out with their loved ones. But whatever they do, they just wanted to make their last moments during the holidays to be as meaningful as ever.

For me, I guess perhaps due to the fact that what I wanted to do has been done throughout this period of time, and perhaps this can explain why I spend almost 14 hrs of my time sleeping and napping like there's no tomorrow.

But an issue was brought to my attention a few days back. I mean, I understand the sudden sense of liberation that one was being bestowed upon, especially after the A levels. Just imagine, a sudden surge of freedom to do whatever you like(k, perhaps only being binded by the person's financial capabilities) can sometimes be so tempting that it just makes one lose oneself. Imagine staying around the house like you are someone wielding the most authority around the household. Such a sudden sensation sometimes can easily cause one to lose oneself.

Yes, I deeply understood the sensation. for I have experienced that too after my A levels and again after I've ORD-ed. And too, I have stayed in that cute warm bubble of mine for several months. But the serious consequences of that is major dislocation to the reality of what is really needed of you by those who needs you and of course those whom you care about as well.

Perhaps my realization of this fact now has shown that I have matured to a certain extent as compared to who I am before. But to relate this message to someone 2 years younger than me is such an impossible feat to be accomplished.

I am not going to be someone who always yield control over her anymore. Since she's going to be 20 this year, its time for her to make her own choices and to learn everything on her own. My role, now is to let her kite fly as freely as it can be, for perhaps doing so she can soar to higher heights better than ever I can imagine.

Perhaps that is now, my role, as her elder brother. To let her have her own way. But of course if she crosses the line to much.....

she's dead >_<''

Oh well, that's that. But sometimes I really appreciate what my family does. I mean, with little intervention from their side is perhaps the best present parents can give to their kids, at least, to me, at this moment in time. This doesn't show about their heck care attitude at all, but rather the amount of courage they have to be able to place their trust and faith onto their child--that is something that I need to learn; to be able to place trust and faith on others too. Perhaps due to the fact that both my parents are having quite a bit of health problems that is why I value them more than ever. And because of this, I give in to whatever they want; telling them its time to enjoy and let me shoulder some of their burdens. But before all that, perhaps all that I've ever wanted more than ever is to have a little more time. Time for me to graduate and have a job. Time for me to be finally able to chip in so that my parents have the ability and mood to enjoy overseas. All I hope is to have more time.

That is why. My notion of working hard academically is not like in the past where I can have $25 for every As I get in my report card. I work hard, not for someone else but only me too see. I work hard not because others expect me to, but rather because I want to and I need to. And therefore any dire consequences in this aspect I will humbly accept. Perhaps a B+ grade in my exams and I will end up having more curfews than I have ever before since I've failed to hit expectations of some other than mine, but I will take it that it just mean that it's time for me to raise my own bar.

New semester, new beginnings; to those who are reading this, press on, and don't fall!~ ^_^

-out, always ready for what comes may in the new semester! - =D

2010-01-08T14:42:00.002+08:00

My my, my sleeping hours seem to get more and more erratic by the day. Fancy needing to sleep at around 3 in the evening till night time and sleeping from night till morning, which just leaves me able to work after dinner till midnight. And I don't work that hard during the day, so I'll spend my day idling.

Yup, school's starting and with new challenges ahead. One thing I like about my schedule is that I am able to plan them early in the morning to prevent me from sleeping too much during the days. Or else I will start to find myself unable to finish my tutorials, especially when the workload for this semester is practically double of last sem.

I think I also need to quit castle age soon, since it is a major distraction now. Still remember the times when we were practically jumping icy towers and castle-aging when the paper is just the day after. Such an unwise move to make, yet so irresistible it seems. ^_^

Speaking of irresistible, I wonder who was the one that put the box of dark chocolates on the table. Seem to be hooked on them, since I am tempted to have one after every meal. Good thing is that there are plenty to go by, but I guess the bad thing is that I'll have to hit the gyms more often. The post-effects of the XLBs still exist, and there are much more work to be done for me to shed some of the kilos off. Sigh~ T_T

Alrites, time to get busy.

-out-